I am tired, so tired.
I exist from chemical to chemical
in an attempt to regulate my life.
Soma to calm the agitation.
Vicodin for lightning anxiety. OC and Oxy for relief from the endless, anxious despair.
Then the prescribed help: Seroquel (for the screaming white noise); Tenex (for the electrical agitation).
Caffeine to boost back up –
to function, to pretend, to smile and move through the day
Desperately trying to get through,
to quell the desire to run screaming, yelling, throwing myself to the ground pulling out tufts of hair –
in protest against this horrific life of despair, this confined robotic life, the emptiness, the meaninglessness.
Instead, IÂ exist in the ‘quiet desperation’, Â from chemical to chemical – like […]