One week ago, a close family member of mine took her life. She didn’t “commit” anything, she had a great life until about age 30 when all hell broke loose in her brain. Her quality of life for the last two decades was terrible. I cannot imagine what it is like to have actual “voices” in one’s head, or to sleep twelve hours at night, wake up, eat too much, watch TV, never go outside….you get the idea. However, she had a boyfriend of 17 years, who found her. He loved her dearly. He has been there for her no matter what. She had a […]
after all those
years, decades
of mental hell
she was found
an empty bottle of pills
nearby
carried by medics to a bed, a respirator
her brain dead
leaving here,
returning home
her war over
darkness fell, far
above, as peace rests
on one more star
The four day weekend is a done deal. My husband and I laid way low. We could hardly talk for turning it into a fight! All I hear is babbling about FAMILY FAMILY FAMILY and we have seriously messed up individuals in both of ours. Managed to avoid all of them. Turned my phone off. Took walks, raked leaves, raked leaves and then some more. Low on cash, so didn’t cook up anything fancy, but we did cook.
Bit too much bickering. No one is ever right, we’re both tired of dealing with broken relationships with parents, siblings, etc. that are beyond repair. Wasted arguments about […]
Two more days, and then Thanksgiving. My husband and I declined an invitation to visit his dysfunctional family. It is an hour drive, all to stuff food and negative conversations into our stomachs and minds. With one economic and personal crisis after another closing in, our lives are in shambles. Even the gas prices to hit the road for an obligatory visit, are too much. Bringing something to drink, contributing food…it all adds up and we can’t afford the cost, emotionally or financially.  Also, this crowd eats as though every meal is their last. I savor each bite. They are clobbering the dessert before I […]
Today is the fourth day of living on 2 hours sleep; used every pill imaginable. I must have an iron liver, I take so many different types of drugs. The sleep deprivation is what kills every single positive neuron in my brain. I medicate, meditate, and nothing is working. This has been the case for years.Â
Today is horrible. Just going to take one step after another and then one more until night falls. Try all over again, listening to “Sleep Cd” about four times.Â
Once I tried the car in the garage attempt, my dog got my husband […]