4 years later since writing my first post on here, and am still feeling the same way. Nothing has changed. I still feel worthless, depressed, unappreciated for all the hard work that i do at my job and just in general. I feel like no one cares about me, and whats the point of being here anymore? Why even bother? It is one of the worst feelings in the world to feel worthless, like people could care less about what happens to you until its too late. This was just a quick update and vent.
Just some thoughts…. It makes me feel sad how I’m always there for someone else in there time of need , but when I need someone no one is ever there for me. It also frustrates me how I always ask my friends every single day how they are doing and making sure they are OK and most of my friends don’t even ask me if I’m OK. Even when I tell them I’m sad or upset or depressed, they don’t even acknowledge the fact that I am upset and could just use a friend. I’m tired of being there for others when no one is there for me. No one cares about me in this world besides my mom. No one would care if I just disappeared right now.. No one cares at all…
I’m not sure how much longer I can stay strong
Just another one of those days were I want to bullet through my head….
So I have a friend who is in all honors classes and she acts all preppy and nice and innocent but when she gets around me she acts her true self (cursing, talking shit, laughing, making jokes you know the normal stuff us teens do). So we were in school in the hallway and she cursed and one of her teachers walked by , so she ran around the corner hiding to make surehe didnt know it was her. As she was running she told me not to say her name outloud because she didnt want her teacher knowing it was her who cursed and I said whatever and I turned around and saw no one in the hallway. She said to me im serious don’t do it so I said her name and she got all mad and I told her I checked and no one was around to hear. She said oh he was near by blabla bla. So we got Into an aargument and basically my whole thing is that she can ALWAYS tell me what im doing wrong and what I NEED to be doing and she can NEVER own up to her wrong doings but if I say something about what shes doing wrong or what I think she should do its ” oh brittany I dont do anything wrong thats all you ” she just blames me and I HATE that so much , like dont sit there and try to tell me about what im doing wrong when you cant even take credit for your own wrong doings
Hi my name is brittany and im 17 years old. Â I’ve always been teased since the 4 grade up until now. People always made fun of me because I am fat and I never understood why people would say so many mean hurtful things to me, I was always nice to people. I would always help people and give people candy , and compliment those who were mean to me. When I was in the 6th grade I wanted to commit suicide because of the constant teasingof being called fat. It was like I could never get a break from being tease , and up until this day there are still people who make fun of my weight. I’ve even had family members tell my cousin not to get as fat as me. I stress out alot over school, because im always trying to get better grades especially in math but I never do. I have friends but I have 3 people who I call my best friends, but 2 of them live in different states. The other nest friend goes to my school and we hang out sometimes but she can just never understand how I feel. Shes always pushing me to get my grades up and to study more and she always tells me im not trying hard enough when i actually am, and I know she does it because she cares but sometimes I wish she would just be there for me instead of telling me what to do, becaue im already trying to bring my grades up and I dont need someone telling me im not. Then theres my dad , he wants me to be up his butt 24/7 he expects me to to do all these things and he talks bad about my mom and tells lies about my mom to his side of the family about that aren’t true. Even when he talks bad about her my mom has still been there for him through hard times. He calls me fat and jus insalts me. Now my mom on the other hand , shes loving and caring, but sometimes she can never understand the oain I go through. Everytime i try to talk to her she gets off topic and never fully pays attention to what I try to tell her which is VERY annoying. Â She also never really spends time with me , I always wanted to have that mother-daughter relationship where we can go out to lunch and shop and hang out but all she wants to do is lay down all day. And here is where the lonley part comes in. I’ve had a few boyfriends before like 3 but never a serious relationship. I always feel lonley like I have no one to turn to no one can NEVER understand my side of things and that makes me mad/sad and frustrated. Â I wish I had that one friend who could just listen to me and give me good adivce. I feel like a waste of space, sometimes I ask my self why am I even here? I know God put me here for a reason but I just feel like dying sometimes. Â I feel worthless, stupid, irrelevant, depressed, lonley, jus like a big fat blob of nothing. Im justnot sure about life anymore and somtimes just want to commit suicide and get it over with.