Today I find peace, in the pain in the loneliness. Yes I live my life normally and smile everyday. I still participate in the community and seem normal. But inside I am broken. And those close to me, who knows most of what I go through don’t notice. I withdraw, I become quiet. And they let me slip away so easily. It used to stress me. But I just don’t care anymore. It is ok. It is all ok. I have found peace in the most unlikely place. Slowly poisoning and the feeling of it gives peace
I don’t know what is wrong with me. I have a friend who listens and understands. But I don’t know what is wrong with me. I can go from being perfectly fine to being absolutely not fine in the blink of an eye. I dont know why. I can’t control it. I feel guilty for this. Even though I have a friend who listens I do not always want to share as I am scared of becoming a burden. What is wrong with me and how can I be normal?????
I know I write a lot, but I am so grateful to finally have a place to express myself without those I know judging me. The pain never stops. I feel like my soul is constantly being crushed. I smile and chat and it is scary how good I have become at hiding the pain. Or maybe they don’t want to see. It is sad how desperate you can be just to know someone is there for you, that longing for the most basic of human interaction. I thought I was ok. Always goes that way, then the darkness returns, always a bit worse, a […]
I dream of death
Of it’s sweet release
Of that final breath
That will bring me peace
This pain inside
Has broken me
Ripped open wide
Yet none can see
I long for love
Maybe just a hug
I long for love
But not even a hug
I want to cry
Someone see me please
No matter how I try
The nightmare will increase
I dream of blood
Where knife will meet
And in that flood
My sorrow outwards bleed
Empty darkness
Envelop me
Make me feel less
And rescue me
Have you ever felt utterly alone, even in a room filled with family and friends? I feel like I am in a different universe all alone…
How do you cope?
Trust me….
I am here for you….
How those empty words echo through my mind. I let my mask slip for a second to bare my soul, naked and alone. All I want is love, acceptance and maybe even a hug… The prison I am in is guarded by severe loneliness. Serving a life sentence. Why am I an outcast, why am I hated. Why am I alone. I have had it with trying, screw love, friendship and all those things, clearly I am not deserving.
For months on end I have been quiet, festering on the inside, like a virus eating at my soul. Now I am […]
After struggling with this dark depression for over a year. I finally managed to get enough courage together to share my struggle with the only person I trust At this point in my life. It is the hardest thing ever to share my vulnerable self without any masks….
Since sharing I have not again heard from this friend. I feel guilty for who I am. For sharing my secret. And for being a burden to another beautiful soul. I know I am at the point where it is either I get help or I help myself permanently. But how do I even gather courage to talk […]
I always thought it could not get worse, that the pain was overwhelming. But then I slowly started to feel dead in the inside. I feel empty and void. All emotions, good and bad have vanished. So here I am, alone in the empty black hole that used to be my life. I wake up thinking of death, go to sleep dreaming of its release….. I struggle to find the little things that keep me from it’s cold embrace…..