After struggling with this dark depression for over a year. I finally managed to get enough courage together to share my struggle with the only person I trust At this point in my life. It is the hardest thing ever to share my vulnerable self without any masks….
Since sharing I have not again heard from this friend. I feel guilty for who I am. For sharing my secret. And for being a burden to another beautiful soul. I know I am at the point where it is either I get help or I help myself permanently. But how do I even gather courage to talk to a stranger when I can’t even talk to a friend. I hate who I have become. The shell of a man, hiding behind fake smiles while my soul is drowning in tears. Just sometimes I hope someone can see through one of the cracks. The real me, desperate for love, for help…
2 comments
I think I know what you’re feeling. When you keep things bottled at least there’s the hope that one day you can open up and find help. But once you open up and find yourself abandoned, there’s nowhere to go. So I guess we crawl back into our prison deeper than before. It’s a bad situation that keeps making itself worse. Maybe you’re lucky and your friend just needs time to process the information. I dunno, that’s the only hopeful thing I can say.
Broken_Masterpiece, I have not found one person who can hear my whole story except for my therapist. Even friends and family who have had abuse about like mine cannot listen without being re-traumatized themselves. So they stopped corresponding and meeting with me pretty soon. You will need a therapist to get the ears you need. May I add this? Therapists don’t prescribe drugs (AFAIK) and if you don’t really need drugs, good, they are often just a whole new source of problems.