This is not the first time I’ve felt suicidal. Having struggled with depression and self-harm since my tweens (I’m in my late 20s now), I’ve experienced suicidal thoughts many times over the years. But it’s only in recent years that I’ve started considering it more seriously. And I’ve come to realise that it’s not really death itself that I’m scared of. That seems fine to me, even if there’s nothing after death and it’s just a big black void, that would actually be a relief from the emotional suffering I’ve had to endure for over a decade, it would be a relief from the hopelessness […]
Does anyone else often feel like they don’t matter? Like they’re alone in a crowd? Even amongst people who should be my friends, I feel like I don’t belong. Then again, I don’t think these people are real friends. Yesterday, I was at another party. Sitting there among a circle of people I know (people who are supposedly my friends), watching them talk and laugh about things that deep down I can’t truly relate to, I have never felt so alienated and disconnected. It was like I was an audience member watching a show I didn’t really enjoy or find all that funny.
It always seems […]