Sometimes things are so difficult that I just want to bury my face in a pillow and scream as loud as I can for as long as I can.
Today has been worse than the last few weeks combined.
I texted with the closest thing I have to a friend today, and he gave me a very hard time about how I am feeling. He seems to think that I am selfish for being depressed, as if I chose it as a vocation. I have been very sad/sleepy/out of it for a couple of days, so I wasn’t very responsive to messages. We aren’t in the same state (let alone city), so it is usually just little back and forths. Never too pressing. Not as though we would be making plans or something.
Either way, he […]
I know it shouldn’t matter, but seeing people around me happy, fulfilled, able to handle their finances, their relationships, their lives, it just makes me feel even worse.
I had been feeling better earlier in the year, but seeing other’s succeeding while I continue to fail has sent my back down. I had to delete my Facebook, because it only depressed me.
I have lost everyone that ever mattered to me (save for a few family members and a friend in another state). It is abundantly that others who I thought I was important to don’t care about me or need me at all.
I have long ago […]
It is now November, and I am still here. I’d be lying to say that I am happy. I’d be lying to say things are fine. Nevertheless, things are easier. Things are not as sad. I am able to sleep with less trouble. I can keep my mind off the bad things more easily, without bigger distractions.
Hopefully, things will keep improving. We shall see.
Either way, for now, I’m still here.
I think the saddest part isn’t that a year ago at this time I thought I had it all figured out. The saddest part isn’t that the girl I love more than anything stopped waiting for me to find a way to get back to the same town so we could be together. I don’t even think the saddest part is that in the year I had to get things on the right track that few if any things worked in my favor. No, the saddest part is that I will be having a birthday in a few weeks, and that I will be 27 […]