Today has been worse than the last few weeks combined.
I texted with the closest thing I have to a friend today, and he gave me a very hard time about how I am feeling. He seems to think that I am selfish for being depressed, as if I chose it as a vocation. I have been very sad/sleepy/out of it for a couple of days, so I wasn’t very responsive to messages. We aren’t in the same state (let alone city), so it is usually just little back and forths. Never too pressing. Not as though we would be making plans or something.
Either way, he chided me for being less responsive for a couple days, and then chided me for being sad.
If the only person who even comes close to caring about me treats me that way, then what does that say about how worthless I am?
I have otherwise been forgotten by everyone else I ever had in my life. I am not even that worried or concerned about him giving up on me too. It would be par for the course.
It is astounding in such a big world, that someone can be as alone as I am. If I had even the slightest amount of money, I would move away and find a new life. As it stands, I am trapped. I have had others tell me that I am so free, without a relationship/family or full-time job to hold me down to a specific place.
If only they understood how lonely this alleged freedom is…