Today has been worse than the last few weeks combined.
I texted with the closest thing I have to a friend today, and he gave me a very hard time about how I am feeling. He seems to think that I am selfish for being depressed, as if I chose it as a vocation. I have been very sad/sleepy/out of it for a couple of days, so I wasn’t very responsive to messages. We aren’t in the same state (let alone city), so it is usually just little back and forths. Never too pressing. Not as though we would be making plans or something.
Either way, he chided me for being less responsive for a couple days, and then chided me for being sad.
If the only person who even comes close to caring about me treats me that way, then what does that say about how worthless I am?
I have otherwise been forgotten by everyone else I ever had in my life. I am not even that worried or concerned about him giving up on me too. It would be par for the course.
It is astounding in such a big world, that someone can be as alone as I am. If I had even the slightest amount of money, I would move away and find a new life. As it stands, I am trapped. I have had others tell me that I am so free, without a relationship/family or full-time job to hold me down to a specific place.
If only they understood how lonely this alleged freedom is…
5 comments
You’re not worthless.
Everyone feels alone at some point.
If your friend treats you like that, then he isn’t much of a friend.
Don’t surround yourself with people like that. Find people who understand.
Because you are worth it.
You have friends here. My very limited $.2, keep in mind many people don’t understand depression and think its simply something you have to overcome. Don’t overly blame someone else for this lack of understanding or compassion. That being said, he kind of sounds like a dick. 🙂
I know what you mean about loneliness. Funny thing is, it only seems to get worse.
I like you just the way you are.
In my experience, NDPs have a hard time understanding depression. It’s like a foreign language to them. When you try to explain it, all they hear is gibberish. They keep going back to “this is not normal” and “try to think positive” and stuff like that. And the weird part is that these are the people that actually do care about you. Imagine the ones that couldn’t care less.
This is one of the reasons why people with depression feel so alone, so isolated. It’s because almost no one truly understands. They just want to cheer you up or admonish you for the way you feel. Neither one helps at all.
If I hear one more person say that things will get better, I think I’m gonna lose it.
Absolutely. There seems to be this notion that we all have complete control. “Why don’t you change things if you are unhappy?” “Don’t let it get to you so much.” As if I had the solution in front of my face, yet was ignoring it (either out of stupidity or masochism).
that says nothing about your self worth, it says something about his own. There’s something in you the world needs.
Remember that if you need a helping hand, it’s at the end of your arm…