butterfly_free

I want to be honest, because I’m not being really honest with anyone else. I am seriously thinking of killing myself. Its more than vague feelings. I can’t look in the mirror. I don’t hate myself but I just don’t feel I can recover from being hit, betrayed and raped. By two people. I trusted both. I have tried everything I honestly know. Praying, staying busy, intercepting thoughts, eating so incredibly healthy, don’t drink, smoke, or anything anymore, I call help lines, I have a counselor.

I can’t. Anymore. And I don’t want to be saying this. I want to feel stronger. I want to live. […]

A Rose for You

When I paint it is the closest I get to feeling free. 

Why do the people on the Suicide Prevention Hotline almost always seem like they want to get you off the phone? They seem to be just a referal service or it straight to telling you to go to the ER with no in between. Why wont they just TALK to you? It says on the web and recording it you are suicidal or in emotional distress or just need to talk. So why wont they let you talk? They say, Are you getting counselling? I can look up in your area. I say I am just calling to talk. One woman said in an angry […]

It’s been building all day, sorry to be like that, it’s kind of embarrassing, but I just eventually crack from day after day of pain and fear. Sorry tho, it’s not your fault and I’m normally pretty composed even when I’m depressed.

and it doesn’t have to be a male who is being controlling – it can be anyone –

It was given to me by a someone at a crisis center –  –