I want to do it every now and then. But then I think of my mother finding my body in my horribly messy apartment. The fact I wont be found for days, even weeks. I can’t do that to anyone, and I fight through it. It makes me stronger each time, but I feel like I am weaker for it each time. I really hope I die a natural death and will do everything I can to get there. I just wish I never had these thoughts. I wish I was normal.
