Stepped over a ledge today without a hit of self preservation instincts(survied, the fourth time I’ve failed at dying). No butterflies in my stomach, no sweat in my hands, I simply no longer have any fear of death. Then it occured to me: if i dont have any fear of dying why should i fear change? So i quit my job, emptied my bank occount, moved, confessed everything i had left to confess. I figure in a month I’ll either have a good life or a great crime scene but for now it seems like killing myself was the one exciting thing i had left […]
Wanna know something I’ve never admitted before now? I’m not scared of the darkness inside me. It’s comfortable, familiar, but I’m terrified of the pure. It’s in there somewhere and I swear it’s so bright It washes over everything else until it’s all I can see, and it it’s in love with everyone. Honestly I just want so bad to embrace it but I think it has the power to destroy the rest of me. It feels like my choices are to watch myself destroy my own life like I always do, or die in a barrage of change, and I’m too much of a […]
I promised a not to take enough to kill myself to my girlfriend. I relapses and had a paid attack and stole my dads pain meds but they were really strong ad I drank alot of vodka with itandnow I can’t focus get well can you tell me what to do to help my system deal with them? Becaus3 I’m not ready yet in so numb….
To everyone who ever doubted me. Moreover, everyone who betrayed me, like I wasn’t worth having as a friend, everyone who ever put me down, brushed me off, insulted me, ignored me, abandoned me, spread rumors about me, I have to ask, now that I finally am where I am, how did you know so easily?
So here I am again. Alive and healthy, better than actually, my physic is great. Maybe that’s irony? Does that make me a coward? A fake? How long have I wanted to die after all?
I wanna say it’s harder when you see the people it would hurt, and you know they’ve gone though a lot of the same pain you have, and you wouldn’t hesitate to die to spare them just a little more. Maybe that’s what it means to have a reason to live? But since when do I care about other people? I’m the asshole. That’s how it works. I don’t build […]
You could have never known, and things would be no different. I tried to stay in touch; I made it clear I valued your friendship. I know life can be busy, and when so many people are on the edge of depression it’s hard to get excited about anything at all.
Even a person.
You’re forgiven for that, just like you always have been. I’ve never been known for a shortage of apologies after all; but you don’t get to pretend you just lost me.
You lost a little of me when I told you that secret, the one I could barely face myself, and you made me […]
I’m curious if you can help me decide something. Is it better to leave a note at all?
If I go through with it I don’t want to be saved, coddled. I don’t want another ounce of sympathy or “lets talk it over” every hopefull second of effort just makes it worse at this point. I’m not going to be satisfied with anything I could try to say. I know I can’t offer any explanation, and I certainly don’t want specific people to know it it could possibly their fault.
But people need closure don’t they? I want them to have that, when I’m gone I don’t […]
I just joined this site after stumbling upon it researching suicide methods. I know I’m not supposed to share that sort of thing so I’ll just say I was wondering for a moment if I could turn my suicide into a test on how to slow and prolong the bleeding out process if someone’s throat was slit, maybe even create a method to rescuing someone like that, by cutting my own and recording a little experiment, but finding this made me rethink how I got to this conclusion…
I first attempted in third grade, with a makeshift hanging that broke because it was built idioticly in […]