Author

cheeseball

Mad and crumbling

by cheeseball 9/7/2014

written by cheeseball

I am waiting.

I’m feeling super pissed now. I know. I’ll eventually crumble. I’ve always hated the end of the year. Worst. Memories ever.

I’m waiting.

For a worse memory to appear. For my anger and rage to dissipate, to be replaced by an abyss of hopelessness and regret. To be replaced by self hate. To push everyone away from me, from my own incompetence in life. To be angry at myself for doing so and repeat the whole cycle.

I’m waiting.

For a time where my life does not have this cycle. I wish I could kill people, but first I’d kill myself.

I’m waiting.

Till I am called by my […]

9/7/2014 2 comments

by cheeseball 8/14/2014

written by cheeseball

It’s okay to be positive sometimes. It’s okay to feel hurt. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to laugh even when you’re supposed to feel sad.

Continuously reproaching oneself, does not make things better. Sometimes a day, just a day burnt out helps. When your mind is so full that nothing else, especially not your own conscience will be able to squeeze in. I believe this is the key.

Happiness will come, when all of your worries, doubts, selfhatred and loath dissipates away. But who am I to proclaim philosophically that I’ve found an alternative to my own depression? Time may heal. This is just a little […]

8/14/2014 1 comment

I’m sorry. I don’t know.

by cheeseball 8/13/2014

written by cheeseball

I always have this urge, to hurt myself 1 way or another. But it’s always in my mind.

Before I sleep, I’ll imagine falling off the stairs, or even getting some mildly serious disease, enough to the hospital. On worse days, this’ll morph into funeral services for my own, or just methods in which I die and there are people around me.

Is it meant to be this way? This is my way of dealing with life? It feels so wrong, yet it sparks a feeling of warmth, love, peace and a sense of fitting in.

It it might seem superficial, but it’s my own way, right? It’s […]

8/13/2014 2 comments

Same old same old

by cheeseball 8/2/2014

written by cheeseball

I guess it’s a bit different. People can get along. But will I ever do the same?

What makes one sane? A bunch of standardised tests for differentiated individuals?

Disorganised and depressed thoughts for the last 4 years. And I’m not even 18.

Maybe I just had a rough day. But, I’ll never be able to talk to y’all the same way.

Sorry for wasting your time. I just felt the need to turn to someone/something. Cause I have a bad tendency to turn to self abuse when I feel low or disappointed or mad at myself.

8/2/2014 4 comments