I have a compulsion to hobble myself. I don’t know if I’ll take a mallet to my kneecap and cripple myself or jump out of the third story window. I just want my outward appearance to match my inward pain. I’m crippled on the inside, so why not cripple my body?
My life has fallen to pieces. The details aren’t important. It’s all the same stuff that you read on this forum. That’s not even the reason I’m upset. My emotions are out of control. I can be fine one day, then spend the next day crying into my pillow. I’ve had it. I cut myself. I beat my face in with a mallet. I can’t stop fantasising about jumping off the roof of my house. And yes, I do have a suicide plan. I feel that God has abandoned me, and I don’t know where to turn. The only ray of hope right now […]
I crave the touch of friendly hands.
My bitter soul is searching for
The warmth of love in frozen lands.
The wind bites though me as I search
The tundra of this lonely life.
I crave the touch of friendly hands.
I huddle to the fire and think
No sun-scorched desert could replace
The warmth of love in frozen lands.
Like the robin with fractured eggs,
Or the hound who howls for his man,
I crave the touch of friendly hands.
Frost cracks open my naked face.
I wish a long embrace would give
The warmth of love in frozen lands.
There is nothing […]
I died. It was no accident. I rented a nice hotel room. Then I swallowed a lot of pills that would dissolve my liver and brain. I cut my arms open, and took enough aspirin that nothing but my failing heart could stop the bleeding. And so I died.
Then I met God. He was everything they show in the movies. A giant of a man, long in years, with a flowing white mane and long gray beard. As for his face, no matter how I tried to look at it, I could never quite see it. And he asked, “Why have you […]