Author

deadgrave

Tonight, it ends

by deadgrave 12/2/2017

written by deadgrave

ive come to the point where I’m ready to die. I don’t care what the afterlife is like, if I go to heaven or hell. I just want this life to be over.

I tried talking to several people, but none of them helped. So many things have come crashing down on me tonight I can’t take it anymore. I’m not even sure if my plan will work, but I hope it does.

Im scared of my family going to wake me up tomorrow morning only to find my lifeless body in my bed. I don’t know how they’ll feel, or what they’ll do. Will they tell […]

12/2/2017 9 comments

rants about emotional attachment

by deadgrave 9/23/2017

written by deadgrave

now i know i have problems with emotionally attaching myself to a boy. currently it’s to this one boy who i have ‘liked’ for almost the past two years. i know i shouldn’t depend my happiness on him, but i don’t know how to stop it.

last year he said he liked me back, but i just told him i liked him again today, but i included that i expected him not to like me now and all he said was “thanks for your kind words”

that fucking hit me harder than it should’ve. now i feel like i can’t work on my school work or do […]

9/23/2017 8 comments

scars look cool

by deadgrave 9/23/2017

written by deadgrave

is it bad that i like the way the scars and cuts look on my arms?

it reminds me that i’m human and this is reality…depersonalization/derealization has been a problem for me the past year or so and looking at the cuts helps me remember that we aren’t all perfect

9/23/2017 1 comment

fuxk the i am from poems

by deadgrave 9/22/2017

written by deadgrave

my teacher the other week made me write an i am from poem.. i hated it, but now i feel like i can write a real one, who reflects who i actually am

i am from everlasting irrational fears about the most unrealistic situations

i am from sleepless nights thinking about the unanswerable questions and feeling scared to dream

i am from a good home, yet i still have problems,

which is something my foster sister will never understand

i am from being made fun of because of my race,

something that i had no control over

i am from jumbled thoughts that never seem to cease

i am from rainy days that are […]

9/22/2017 4 comments

is it really cutting?

by deadgrave 9/22/2017

written by deadgrave

call me weak, i already call myself that.

just this year everything around me got too much to handle and i experimented with self harm. well sort of self harm. i don’t use any objects sharp enough to make the wounds bleed right after. (it does scab over the next day)

i don’t know if that counts as self harm or not, but when I started doing it i justified it saying “it’s not real cutting I’m not using a razor or anything.”

but now i have scars on my arms, they’re faint (some of them are pretty obvious) since i don’t use a razor, but they’re there.

what […]

9/22/2017 11 comments