The plan is to get a gun at some point soon idk when but im going to buy a gun. It’ll be an insurance policy. I’ll be able to attempt when ever i want. I’ll be able to sleep forever.
Is buy a gun. As an insurance policy. I hate being alive. There are times where I forget that fact. Where I’m capable of distracting myself from the obvious reality of my irrelevance and idiocy. But then it hits me like a mountain falling on me. I shouldn’t be here. I don’t have to use the gun. I can hold off. But having it in my back pocket the ability to leave when ever. It’s illogical to think that i’ll ever have anything other than mediocrity as the best I’m capable of. I’ll always have a million anxiety triggers and depression triggers. I’ll always fuck […]
I decided for fun and being in a creative slump starting back with music to recreate songs. This song was at the end of the 1995 movie Heat(Hence the quote) and I love that movie. My current goal is to stay busy enough that I can’t tell I’m cripplingly depressed. Its a simple enough song I used mostly freeware(save for the piano sounds that I bought ages ago). If cordless is still around download reaper and you can import your midi from your scoring software into vsts for sound. well enjoy!
http://uglypeopleproblems.tumblr.com/
Its a tumblr i found. Its hilarious how everything is so true for me… except the stuff directed towards women
I’ll never be anything other than what I am. That is meaningless bitter and with no tether to anything . I don’t want to be in existence. I wish i could erase my birth . I still hear the voices of the people who have forgotten me. I still wince at reminders of my irrelevance. You worship(ed) his sociopathy you know that right. Ive never felt more small or meaningless then hearing you talk about him. You couldn’t hear the love in your own voice when you bitched about your past with him but i did and it sickened me. You never loved me like […]
I hate it i can’t even come to this site without being reminded of my disgusting irrelevance. I want to die more than anyone can want anything. I hate that i have preserved my miserable meaningless existence out of fear and false hope. I I’ve posted literally hundreds of posts under multiple names and if i wasn’t so horrifically hideous it wouldn’t have happened. Of all the horrible things that have happened to me being ugly is by far the worst. Everything else passes the ugliness stays. I lose weight the ugliness stays? I put the best effort i have in living time and time […]
So I don’t know why but my mom and I were talking about how I’d be if I had a kid. I told her mom im a year away from 30 and have never had a gf and girls are legitimately disgusted by me this is a dumb conversation. I compared it to winning the lottery or driving a bugatti. Im bitter to the point of never really wanting to try again. I know i will eventually but I’ll fail. I mean no misogyny at all when i say this but i find women to have an entitled attitude with dating. Im sure not all […]
In my entire life i don’t think ive ever been able to be connected to any one or anything. I just want to kill myself because of how alone i am and how much things hurt
Why haven’t I ended it yet. Not a second or moment or day goes by without remembering my heavy handed depression and how separate i am from all that exists. Why wouldn’t i die as soon as I could. It’s impossible to be this insanely isolated with out being in prison or a desert island. Every moment a reminder of a youth i wasn’t good enough for. A present I’m not good enough for. I hate knowing no body cares and that I’m not alive. I’ve been dead since birth. Anyone I meet similar gets over it and can escape the darkness. But the darkness […]
I want die so bad. There are some moments where every additional second of life makes you angry. Why will people tragically die and you live tragically it doesn’t make sense i cant even express in words how depressed i am. It’s an intense all encompassing sadness that id do anything to be without. Anything at all.
Do Ugly People Have Any Value At All?
This article satirical but true. It cites other articles on ugliness and how it impacts your life. I hate being ugly. Ugly old and awkward what an awful combination of afflictions. Looks arent the end all be all for life but god damn they make a difference they just fucking do. I want to not give a fuck abot being ugly but i dont know how.
Sorry I’m not as big a Jay fan as i was was when i was younger. First couple albums Jay is the best Jay. I spent my gun money on bills. I’ll have to buy a gun when im financially ahead. I was worried about buying it chickening out and shit getting cut off and my family looking at me crazy. I wish i was dead. My past experiences with chickening out is why i chickened out. I still want to die before im officially 29 in less than 2 months we will see how it goes.
I’m dying because i have been 2 depressed for 2 long to create a life worth living. I’m also too depressed to deal with every day. At least 10 to 30 things happen or are mentioned that cause intense emotional pain. This the world ive occupied my entire life. My suicide is a mercy killing. Ive been on this site off and on 5 years. I’ve been horrendously depressed since a child. I’d be lying if i said i was completely fearless about it. But i also see no motivation to continue living. Im out of lies to tell myself. I cant accept the pain […]
Me. The few living things that know I am a living thing wont be shocked. They have no memories of me happy. Im planning(for the trillionth time) to die soon. The thought of being dead is all that cheers me up.
Another cursed day of inhaling and exhaling. I’m thinking of ending it all this week as i cant put up with living but i hope that evey fucking week. Why couldn’t i have been aborted? What does it feel like it not exist anymore or at all living is valueless. I’ve been so thoroughly meaningless hopeless and pointless for so long i just quit life. I want to kill myself now. Right now this instant. I wish i could be murdered bow or have a fatal heart attack. I dont want to be able to finish typing this sentence. I want to die. Im tired […]
Im sick of having to wake up again
just to be alive again
To hope to die again
But fucking try again
In order to change they say power lies within
But you are without power if you already died within
All i have been
Is the state that I am in
If you fail at suicide should you try try again?
If I’ve failed at everything i try why again
Should i try when everything alive will die and end
I’m the loneliest man who can never find a friend
Nor a niche or a place to belong that i am in
I exist […]
The world is for the rich the young the beautiful the mainstream. Those who tweet ot ..what ever the hell the verbs for instagram and snapchst are. For the social the cool the sheep who idolize their shepards. Not the ugly the poor the old the fat the mes polygonal pegs the have no hope of fitting anything society has pegged for them. I never had a youth just pain. Ive been fat ugly and miserable my whole fucking life and im not over it. I am disgusting.
Ive been working on my weight for years widdling down my 383lbs to around 250lbs over 2 […]
I don’t want to live anymore. The things i do are in the mean time of me dying. Ihave more bills than i know what to do with so my plan is to pay myself up as much as i can buy a gun and end it. I may get impatient and buy it early or hang myself. I love with my sister who knows im suicidal and my mom who i care less about her reaction to my death. I probably will try hanging. Its a horrificly useless method but it may work eventually. Its worth passing the time. My life is the […]
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuckfu ck fuck fuck fuck Fuck fuck fuck fuckfuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuckfu ck fuck fuck fuck Fuck fuck fuck fuckfuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuckfu ck fuck fuck fuck Fuck fuck fuck fuck
So i cant just fucking kill myself. My gun money is now bill money. My sister needs school we need a washer and dryer. Shit is due. Im behind on shit. I have no reason to fucking be here. I want to die so bad but i dont want to leave my family financially fucked up. I promised to pay bills but […]
Ah my beloved pistons used this music in the 80s when i was just a little suicidal maniac. Im hoping this is actually my final countdown for life. The last 60 or so hours before it ends. Im pretty relaxed. As a veteran suicide chicken i know that happens. You’re at piece with your decision and then when it comes to do it survival instincts kick in. Whether or not i die has everything to do with whether or not i can override my survival instincts its that simple. My life is valueless and lonely and old. Im so tired of attempting. Of being the […]