every time i start to convince myself that i have made my way through the pain to the otherside where i can live my life something slips inside my mind and destroys everything. i am a dreadful sack of existence. full of potential, wasted. if i had no talent, then it would be easier to waste away. i am a pitiful and pathetic excuse for life. when i speak, only nothing is made. after all, when the nothing man has nothing to say he speaks. i tried, yes, i tried to clean myself up, i got two jobs, i’m going to school, im exercising consistently. […]
i am the nothing man. i carry doom and gloom as my closest companions. i have no talent, no goals, no desires, no hope and i can’t wait to die. the one thing i do have is family and friends, and honestly, that is the reason why i’m still breathing on this god forsaken earth.
at random times throughout the day i visualize a bullet penetrating my skull and blowing my brains out. it feels more peaceful than anything else that i can imagine. to end the suffering which is my mind would be liberating.
i tried for many years to blame the injustices of […]
i can create a beautiful life in my imagination. i am able to share my imagination with people. however, i can’t live the beautiful life which my inspired imagination painted for me. my ideals that ostensibly obstruct my connection with humanity are strangling me now. i am a man who lives in a constant fear state. i live out my life in other worlds that are not real since i cannot live in this one. it’s not that i want to die so much as it is that i can’t live. i will always be half of a great man. never a great man. a […]
the hopelessness of being myself is inescapable
i tried to live but i was unable
all the reasons why are always unknown
death is my palace and hate is my throne
immortal thoughts of oneness discredited as lies
causing my mind interconnected to die
all wishes will be granted for those who wait
love and peace are only real when you contemplate
the world without the world within
the world without the world within
subjectivity and tainted skin
kingdoms of war
huts of peace
silence yourself and learn defeat
master defeat and move on to the next battle you’ll lose
i dont deserve a breath […]
the darkness of despair is my cloak of life,
No way known for me to escape this night,
Ready to die, i’ve prayed for it 1,000 times,
Surely this endless struggle can’t last,
Cohorts of madness laughing at my futile attempt,
never quite learned how to live, now hold me in contempt
the lord of lies owns our land,
Satan and his followers always close at hand.
flock of innocent ignorant ones
grazing in an eternal field of hate.
caldera of pain, agony and defeat
there is only nothing left in me
everything you believe you know is nothing
love is death
love is death […]
year after year, things never change
you find your way, i stay the same
blackened heart
dilapidated body
fettered in a cyclic whirl of hate
another year gone by devoid of love
how long until i find a way
a way to leave this place
please, please, please
on this day of celebration
i nominate death
though you wish me happy birthday
i wish myself a happy day of death
i’ve advanced a long way through the darkness
only to find the innumerable perpetrators of filth
i bow to the king of will restriction
the king of my death
i am
this life is abundant with hate, pain and despair. just fucking kill me please
why do the good people die young, and miserable wastes of human flesh like me live too long. just fucking kill me please
Death is a natural process of which i long for day and night.
oh, my beloved Death, i know your change initiates delight.
Taking my own life tonight seems so right.
Death, you precious obsidian jewel, transform my darkness into inner light. Through the process of my bodies dissolution, i know i’ll feel all right. Bring me home tonight!
for i can’t tolerate the un-natural, and that is what suicide is. if it were not so, my lovely death would become my bride at midnight. i suppose i’ll have to patient and say my prayers; oh wonderful and magnificent Death, when will you take this […]
Rivers of salt and disparaged thoughts
tears filling the wells of eyes
lost the desire to will
lost the desire to live
no love left here
only me
I detest me
I detest me
Kill me
Kill Me
I kill me
I kill me
the darkest is not always the best
the light is so far away now
red eyes piercing my skin
gaunt and laughing at the hollowness
I am an idiot
I am a fool
I am all the things that I hate
I am nothing worthwhile
I am not meant for this world
I am not anything at all
I am devoid […]
The entire fabricated lie that people believe is transparent to me. I know that i’m not alone in my vision of the truth, but it often times feels that way. I believe this is just another systematic attempt by the powers that be, to remove any possible threats to the status quo.
Regardless of why, the fact is that i feel like dying most every day. I’m a socially retarded fear based being. I don’t value the things that the masses do, thereby effectively isolating myself from everything and everyone.
If i didn’t know love, then i’d be dead by now. the only thing keeping […]