If my nightmares come true. If he gets hurt and doesn’t survive. I do not want to live any more. If he doesn’t survive, neither will I.
Some of you make think I’m joking. Some of you may think im insane. But I have a story to tell. And it’s completely the truth. My personal experience. Some of you may curse me to hell. And some of you may just understand my plight. But I’m telling you now that i am not trolling you.
As a little girl, like most children, I had an imaginary friend. I would stay up at night talking to her and we would play games. She was a lot older than me, but that didn’t seem to matter because I was the only one who could see her. […]
Your skin, it’s so soft.
Your muscles, firm.
The smile on your face when you look down on me,
Intoxicating.
Running my fingers over your features.
Feeling yours against mine.
Being with you all night.
Your shoulder the perfect pillow.
Clutching the tags you always wear.
It’s so odd, how the color of your eyes change.
I thought I would never see them again.
I have those memories, yet if I lost you…
My reason for living,
It would also perish.
Today I lost a friend.
Not even a few hours ago.
I saw him the other day, smiling.
Today, he shot himself.
Today people cried.
But I didn’t.
My thoughts were, maybe now he can smile, maybe now he isn’t in any more pain.
All I know for a fact is… that today, I lost a friend.
I have found that a way to help you figure out things is to analyze your dreams. I know some of them are seemingly meaningless, but it seems to help me. Also sharing them with others help as well. Here are a few of my own:
*warning, this first one is a bit gross*
I mashed a bump and instead of puss coming out, I pulled a neuron out of my skin.
My local college was located in a swamp. A former friend and I wore old time dresses (Gothic era) with petticoats. I found a book of nautical poetry and began to read it. The buildings were […]
I am surrounded by darkness,
And no one gives a damn.
Even though all I show is kindness,
My insignificance shows for who I am.
I feel so alone.
No one beside me.
So far away from what is supposed to feel like home.
Unable to even see.
It’s like a disease I’m confined to,
Casting off my every reach;
Disabling me to undo,
My pathetic way of speech.
If destruction is my punishment, so be it.
I cannot be absolved.
This hierarchy of pain is meant for human consumption.
Freedom is a false concept.
We are slaves to our emotions.
Slaves to our attatchments.
Undeserving.
Bloodletting.
Outcasts among the masses.
If destruction is my punishment, pain is my savior.
Dismal outlook.
Chasing oblivion.
So is
My desolation.
I’ve never used a website like this before, i have been struggling with my emotions for as long as i remember. Tonight was the first time i have cut in four years. I currently do not want to leave my bed. But i probably will leave it and lay on thr floor. All of this i have done as a punishment to myself for hurting someone that I love. I deserve this emotional turmoil I feel. I deserve the tears in my skin and the empty feeling in my chest… I will not eat tomorrow. I don’t deserve to be comfortable. Why am I punishing […]