i fantasized about dying for a good 2 years. it was my source of comfort.
i dont need my cipralex anymore, so i’m taking myself off it. a week in and those familiar suicidal feelings are back.
i know it’s just the withdrawal doing this to me, but it all feels so… familiar. and real. surreal. i wanna go partake in my new life, but  i’m having momentary thoughts of throwing myself off a building. i know it’s all biological. just gotta let it pass. it’s just made very uncomfortable by the fact that my left arm is in a cast for another few weeks, […]
i can’t consider myself suicidal but i often feel that life is ultimately unsatisfying and futile. in my observations of humanity i see sickening antics that outweigh the positive. i fantasize of the bliss to be gained by “opting out”, so to speak. then again, i am young, foolish, and have yet to experience what most laud as life’s gems- family, travelling, friends, etc. i am depressed, yes, but not immensely- i continue to live hoping things will improve- i drift, waiting to find a sense of fulfillment, or at least waiting for these feelings to pass