I’m not religious but sometimes i wish i were because then i imagine how i was born with sicknesses because i wasnt ever supposed to live for as long as i do and modern medicine ruined ‘the plan’. So the reason i feel wrong is because i am wrong and if i died it would be right again. i know there’s a dozen ways to turn this and choose a different conclusion. I just want to feel like it would be okay for me to make the choice to die myself, and that i wouldnt actually hurt others with it