My birthday was at the end of last month. I turned 59, but was very depressed to see the day come and go because I prayed throughout last year that I would die at 58. I’ve had treatment resistant depression and PTSD for twenty years and I can’t articulate how tired I am of living. On a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 indicating a great quality of life, my life is about a 2. And that’s only because I can walk, talk, see, hear, smell, taste and use my arms and legs. It’s almost impossible for me to have any hope of things […]
Is anyone else tired of the suggestions people make to alleviate depression? Taking a walk, ordering my favorite food and listening to music seem to be the most common ones. But I’ve heard everything from go roller skating to go square dancing. I realize people mean well but it’s almost insulting. Such superficial actions do absolutely nothing for clinical depression and it’s evidence of the total lack of understanding of the condition. I’m so tired of taking psychotropic medication. It does help me sleep but that’s about it. And as I’ve mentioned here before, my insurance pays zero for me to see a professional clinical […]
Is anyone else tired of the “Help is Available” lie? The truth is unless you’re independently wealthy, there is little to no help out there. My insurance pays nothing to see a professional clinical counselor. Psychiatrist visits are only for medication management. I know of many others in them same boat. I need intensive IP treatment but it’s just not going to happen.
It’s been about four months since my last post and things are even worse now. The popular notion that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem is untrue. There is nothing temporary about my condition. I don’t see how things will ever change or improve. My mother, who was my only immediate family in this state recently moved to another state to enter an independent living facility. I have very few friends. The lonliness and isolation is unbearable. There seems to be no purpose in my life. Unlike many here, I do believe in God and Jesus Christ yet I’m at the end […]
Whether it’s Christmas or any other day, the question remains unchanged. I’m not living, just existing and for what? My pets are the only immediate reason. Yes, there are some people who do care about me, but honestly, it’s not enough. The lonliness and purposelessness of my life is unbearable. Everyday is a major struggle to simply endure. It feels like a slow, torturous burn. And I have no real hope for change. Major depression and PTSD have destroyed my life. You always hear and read “help is available” but it’s really not. Unless you are wealthy and can afford intensive, long term, high quality […]
I’m an older adult, nearly 58 but have suffered from major depression and PTSD all my adult life. Sadly, it has worsened with age. I’ve been divorced for over 30 years and have no kids. My only immediate family in my state is my frail 82 year old mother. I have a few friends, but most of them live far away. I was forced to take an early medical retirement due to my illness. My pets are my primary companions and I’ve struggled a lot with increasing lonliness. In June of this year things reached a breaking point when I took a full bottle of […]