so yesterday I tried to kill myself… it first started off with my having an emotional rage; I was yelling, cussing, crying, and screaming. Then did I go in my room and started cutting myself repeativley… in patterns. When I was about to go deep to where I can cut a tendon my sister walks in the room and sees my with blood everywhere, she tries to get the knife from me, but we just fought over it… later that night me and my boyfriend broke up because he was still talking to his ex… something inside of me just died and I was in […]
So I have been cutting lately again and have gone back into deep depression. I actually want help this time, so I want to see a therapist. I asked my mom if I could and she just asked “Why?” and I said “Just to have someone to talk to.” What else can I say to convince her, but without her knowing I cut again.
The thing about religion
You have to act perfect
Fit in
Go to their youth groups
Pray all the time
What’s the downs about religion?
Oh I’ll tell you
You get judged all the time
Talked about
Stared at rudely
Being called the “devil”
Just because I stated my thoughts
They say they won’t judge you
But they do
I would think of religion as of something I would feel comfortable having
But I guess I was wrong
A bunch of hypocrites, can I say?
Not even they can stop me now
Boy, I’ll be flying overhead
Their heavy words can’t bring me down
Boy I’ve been raised from the dead
No one even knows how hard life was
I don’t even think about it now because
I’ve finally found you
Oh, sing it to me
American dreams came true somehow
I swore I’d chase until I was dead
I heard the streets were paved with gold
That’s what my father said
I am a over thinker
Usually at night all of my problems run to my head and hit me like a freight train
I can’t do anything about it because everyone is asleep
I can’t cry because they will hear me
I can’t scream either
Literally all I can do is lay there all numb bottling up my thoughts
Later it leads to me over thinking things that arn’t even true
That my mind is just making up
And I’m believing it
I start to get fusturated, mad, sad, wanting to hurt someone
But instead I hurt myself
I grab the sharp edge and […]
I’ve been cutting since 7th grade. In 7th grade is when I first got bullied, some girl called me ugly, I told her off, she got her friends to go kick my ass blah blah blah. I dropped out half the year and decided homeschooling would be better for me, but no. It got worse, it lead to cyber bullying. I went back in 8th grade thinking it would actually be better since new people will come in, it was actually way worse than the year before. Rumors went around and what not. I left half that year also. During that summer, I made a […]
I’m not really wanted here at my home, my town, or my school. People even say it to me. Everyone seems to be strait up with me. Like “No one even likes you here, just leave already.” “If you take all of your medication and die no one would even care.” I mean like, I ignore them. But I can see why they don’t like me, I don’t even like me. Haha. I’m ugly, I’m too quiet, I never talk, I’m weird, I stare too much, I try to be smart in school (but get judged for it), my whole life revolves around my dead […]