I’ve been cutting since 7th grade. In 7th grade is when I first got bullied, some girl called me ugly, I told her off, she got her friends to go kick my ass blah blah blah. I dropped out half the year and decided homeschooling would be better for me, but no. It got worse, it lead to cyber bullying. I went back in 8th grade thinking it would actually be better since new people will come in, it was actually way worse than the year before. Rumors went around and what not. I left half that year also. During that summer, I made a great friend. I’ve known him basically since 1st grade, but we never really talked ever before that. He started gaining feelings for me, I gained feelings for him. He made me happy. Confident. He made other people’s opinions about me not matter anymore. But of course I didn’t want to date him because I thought it would ruin our friendship. He left me for about 6 months, I finally got the guts to talk to him again on New Years. We apologized to Each other. Oh wait don’t let me forget how those 6 months were. All 3 of my dogs died, my grandpa died, I lost my sisters respect, I got abused, bullied, and had to deal with all of that by myself. Anyways, we recently became friends again. More than friends, we’ve been dating for almost a month now. I love him and all, but I just don’t feel love. It’s different than it was before. Last night all of his friends confessed to me that they all hate me, I said to myself “Why should I stay anymore?” I cut like a week before that because I was upset than ever. I also just cut 2 hours ago, because I felt worthless. So, I of course always want to be with him and hang out with him all the time. He has a girl bestfriend which is the problem. Let me just fucking say, SHE USES HIM. Yes he is rich, no I don’t like him for his money, I like him for everything other than that. I hate the fact that he is rich. It sickens me. I feel like he likes her more than he likes his girlfriend. So this little **** decides to put me on blast last night and brings all of her friends into it. I was bullied to the max. I took a bunch of pills and passed out to try to forget about it. It’s still stuck in my head and rotting there. I’d also like to mention how whenever me and my boyfriend do hang out he just wants to do sexual things. I feel like that’s all he wants out of me. I don’t know what to do. I tried to stay clean. I was clean for a year. But now everything just turned to chaos.
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It seems like you are in a pretty dark place right now. Maybe you will find the strength to ignore the people who only drag you down into an even darker place. And maybe it will get better.
I don’t cut but I am trying to steer clear of drugs. It is sort of the same- cutting and getting high. Both activities flood your brain with certain chemicals and you become addicted to the feeling this creates.
Is there some sort of support group that you can join up with?
I’m so sorry to hear about the drug abuse. Is it just marijuana or other get away drugs? Not technically, I don’t know of any support groups around my area. We have clubs at my school, but I feel like they’re just going to try to get into my personal life and beat me down.
Opiates are my drug of choice but I would do anything. I liked to smoke weed too.
There is a Self Mutilators Anonymous support network. They hold online meetings.
I know you are hurting and you are in my thoughts.
And okay I just clicked your user name and read your other post.
That bit about your dog is so incredibly sweet. I work in vet medicine. I know how hard it is to part with a pet.
I am going to bed now but I hope to read an update from you soon.
Oh man, well I hope everything is fine for you. I take hydrocodone acetaminophen and adderal, it doesn’t really do much, but I call them my “happy pills”. & thank you so much for hearing me out and understanding me. Most stuck up people think it’s weird how I care more about my dog than any other human being.
yes I started with hydrocodone, moved on to oxycodone and eventually ended up at heroin, fentanyl, methadone, oxymorphone, etc. Opiates can be a powerful lure to people who are depressed.
I don’t think that its weird at all re: your caring for your dog… BUT people need to be loved and need to other human beings in order to be whole. Its not unhealthy to give that love to an animal but its not as rewarding as giving it to another person.
Be careful taking those pills, btw. Oddly enough, it is the apap (acetaminophen) that will do more long term damage to your body (more specifically your liver) than the hydrocodone. If you take a lot of them then it would be wise to do a cold water extraction (lots of recipes and instructions for this online) snd separate the hydro from the apap. Of course, it is best not to take these drugs at all but if you are going to do it then you might as well do it the safe way.
I haven’t felt the feeling of “addiction” yet. I usually take 2 every 4-6 hours, if I’m having a bad day it’s like 3. It’s really dangerous for me too. For some reason my body allows it, there was this one guy who only took 2 and was throwing up non-stop. Do you know if these pills cut off breathing, or give you a short of breath? Because lately all I have been feeling is light headed, short of breath, and my nose always sniffles.
Do you have an email dopeless or a messenger?
sure.
youarewhatyouis8 at ya hoo
why do you ask?
add me at nocomplex2000
well, I only communicate through email so idk about adding anyone but I send a big “ommmmm” your way my friend
A big what?
its the sound of the universe yo