k, lately things have been horrible. i got contact with this one guy again who has been helping me through everything and AtTheEnd im so sorry everything i said i had no right too and i know its impossible to forgive me then my sister has been causing me so much stress with hittin, punching, biting, and choking me, i have been so fucking stress and this is where i must be crazy i was telling that guy i just contact with again bout all this and he said he doesnt want to his gf to be so sad i said im your gf? he […]
my happiness left me! i dont know why but i got worse i cut again and i dont even know how this happened me suddenly becoming depressed i keep spazzing out in school its scaring the fuck outa my friend he keeps having to seriously slap me to get me to become responsive to him i now just wanna give up life is fucked as ever!
im here still. i’d say im better, but now im confused maybe i was never depressed no i am i can feel it. life has gotten better but not good enough to earase my depression. i think i might have slipped out of my own world for a little bit im sure i’ll fall back but im trying to enjoy life as much as i can while im feeling this some sorta happiness. then i realized i want thing: for the world to be happy the way i am too.
well i already posted bout my day but it was too soon….i just got the “perfect” ending to a horrible day: my bf broke up with me. strange i woke up knowing today wasnt going to end well, ha i was totally right.. now after today wait its not over something can still go wrong maybe i could end my horrible day forever so i never have to have this day happen again.
i dont know why? i used to adore nights, being locked in my wonderful room away from my family (thats bliss to me) texting/e-mailing people..where did those people go? im left all alone. i now hate nights i hate now checking my phone looking at my e-mail in fear i have no messages from the people i need most, uh yeah so now iv became a night hater only cuz now i feel alone and unwanted another thing why the fuck cant i stop crying jeez just these past three days i wont stop crying…UGH! im just fucked like that i guess:/
ok soo i trust absolutely everyone and everything yeah i know its probably not a good thing. its not..cuz now i cant trust the one person i care bout the most..all over a stupid weekend. i wish this past weekend never happened cuz now i think everything is ruined and over but i dont want it to be i just dont know what that person thinks…..now omg this is so stupid iv been crying over it..ugh:/
i just wanna be done im soo sick and tired of being used and betrayed lied to and hated laughing one minute and crying the next. i dont belong here. nobody will be by my side im nothing to people can i die now? no one will care im already dead to most anyway:/
life sucks. seriously people just wanna make me  walk away and hopefully just die..i cant take being laughed at for the world’s stupidest things. if i knew life was going to be this fucked i wish i had the choice to never have been born..though it doesnt work that way:/ but since this fucked up life brought me here…and i was given one wish i would wish that i can have another chance. why must be this my one chance at life and its fucked. geezus people piss me off, they dont get me cuz i fake everything…i can hide myself crying in public..nobody notices. […]
i hate life right now. i just cant win. being bullied isnt fun..being invisible isnt fun at all. why cant i just be fucking happy???? ahh life: FUCK IT!
i hate it when someone has the perfect insult and coincidently i have the perfect comeback but dammit i cant speak fearing whats perfect in my mind will be jacked up words when it leaves my mouth. its like i cant speak though if i wasnt weak i could probably scream it everywhere i went. such a shame when the perfect insult comes the perfect comeback becomes glued shut.
Picture of me. Be honest with what you think.
UNDERNEATH I’m a loser. an idiot. a cutter. defeated. negative. sad. pretending. DEPRESSED. though i try to make all of this untrue. i fake my through life. i have so many personalities i cant even count all of them, but i don’t know my real one. that’s right i change so much just to make you happy, not me i don’t care i’m me i care what you think.. you don’t know me. obviously i don’t know me either. you will never be happy with me. don’t feel bad you’ve done this to me. its not just you its everyone. Â actually ignore that last part […]
its strange. im depressed i know that, my family knows that. at school nobody knows cuz i come across as happy, positive, never sad, and no way depressed. yet i carry around suicide notes and one of my friends saw and didnt believe it..shows im either a good actress or i should just shout it to the people around me..cuz now it looks like im a liar…oh god i made a problem if i tell some of my friends will force me to get help (been there already) if i dont i look like a liar.. my life would make a great show just cuz […]
my worst enemy is soo stupid. i fear being at home, not because of my parents. my 8 year old sister. who insults me with no stop making me feel low. words arent enough for her though if its not her way i pay the price, i get a new scar. im 6 years older then she is and honestly scared as hell of seeing her. she is manipulating, violent, a liar, cruel, its horrible i have to say this stuff about my own sister when we should be like best friends or close to it, nope we are enemies i drive my parents crazy […]
ok..so im hopelessly confused. im loyal, il doin anything for people,i consider everyone a friend, il keep your secrets, my friends and family come first in life. yet my parents insult me my sister hits me im a cutter iv been depressed since i was 11 its been 3.5 yrs now. im called every swear word known to man at school. im stared at im shunned yet i seem to make all of this look like a lie by covering it up acting like a perfectly healthy teen. somedays i pull throughother days people broke my “wall” and i fell in a ditch that i […]
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