When I say I’m done. The people who don’t understand ask me what do I mean. I guess you could say when I say I’m done…I’m saying goodbye.
I went to my friends house last night. He told me to try a shot. I have nothing to lose so I did. The night ended with me taking 7 shots of vodka with some fruity stuff and some captain morgan. I have never felt so out of control. I can’t really remember anything that happened. But now I see why people drink. I never thought a fifteen year old girl like myself, would stoop to such a low level to escape the empty feeling even if it was only temporarily. I didn’t feel empty at the time, I felt warm and fuzzy and happy.
You know that point where you’re on the edge of the cliff and any emotion you’ve ever had is racing through your body and you’re just ready to take the last leap? I think I’m past that. I think I’m falling, just waiting to hit the bottom. I say falling because I feel absolutely nothing. Literally numb. But I’m afraid one day my numbness will snap and I will hit the ground, hard.
Death, a lot of people live their whole life in fear of it. But what’s the point? Its a guaranteed. I don’t understand why people fear death. It’s said that when you die you will know every answer to every question, it makes me excited. I don’t fear death. It’s really not something that frightens me or chills my skin. I accept it. And I’ve even tried to attempt it. I think more or less, that people aren’t scared of death directly, but the pain that might be felt before it happens. That doesn’t scare me either. I’m so numb inside it would be nice […]
My skin…defines who I am. It’s my history. My story. With all the invisible ink marks that once read words that described me. With scars that overtook me. With the touches of people I once loved. But of all the things it is…there’s one thing it is not. Dead.
http://www.quotev.com/suicidediaries here is my page where i post things…you can look if you like…I have a fake name so people don’t know who I am.
I’m hiding everything…from everyone. It’s not like they care. They don’t know…not the slightest clue. And the good things are fading and I’m wondering why I’m still here. I’ve stopped eating. And sleeping. And caring. But they can’t see I because I’m hiding everything…from everyone.
I think the title speaks for itself . I’m not wanted here .
Would they miss me if I left forever?
Why don’t they care?
Why do they laugh at me?
Why do they judge me?
Why does my past define me?
Why can’t I look past these scars?
Why do I cut?
Why don’t I belong?
Why can’t I be loved?
Why isn’t anyone stopping me?
Why am I still here?
I don’t wanna wait anymore.
Don’t lie to me telling me I’m pretty, don’t tell me it’s gonna be okay. The only thing stopping me from it is how I’m gonna do it. But don’t mind me. I know you don’t care. Because every time I tried to reach out and talk you shut me down and told me to stop talking about this shit. I apologize. Soon you won’t have to worry about this. 15 years, I made it 15 years, alone, abandoned and rejected. Nothing but a disappointment. I don’t belong anywhere. I don’t know what love feels like. I don’t know what it’s like to be wanted. […]
I show all the symptoms. I try to tell someone…but nobody listens. So why talk anymore? I’m done. I thought MAYBE I would find a reason to stay…MAYBE someone would actually want me here…but MAYBE is just a word people use when they don’t want to face the truth. I’m better off dead. That’s the truth. Nobody cares. I’m done using all these maybes…..it’s time for me to face reality. And in reality…nobody cares…you walk around with scars and people just point, laugh, and judge. So tell me…when everything you ever cared about has been taken away and nobody cares about you…why do you stay? […]
I’ve fallen. And I feel worthless. And unloved. I’ve consdered drugs. I look fat and ugly. And I’ve lost anyone I’ve ever cared about. I want to let go. I don’t know how much longer I can hold on…I don’t care about anything anymore. I don’t know how I’m gonna do it…but I’m sure it’s gonna happen.
I use to shiver at the thought of cutting myself, but your words cut right into me, sharper than a blade, I would know, because I’ve felt the blade pierce my skin, but it was all numb. Where was the hurt I should feel as I watched the blood drip down my arm. Worthless. I may be numb on the outside, but the inside is constant pain, when will it stop. I stare in tears as I watch drops of worthlessness drain from my body. Until there is nothing more to drop.
You’re perfect…all I can say is….it was enchanting to meet you <3
He’s really pushed me down, he makes me feel worse, and I really hate myself. I’m done with everything, I can no longer do this, he didn’t sign the papers and he’s making my life terrible. Goodbye everyone. I don’t think I can do this anymore.
I’m falling down, sinking in, my spirit is breaking and my world is caving in, until i reach breaking point and fall to the point of no return.
So I wrote this for my friend, and the title is actually her name so I’m not going to say it
SMILE, not because you have to
But because you want to
CRY, not because you’re weak
But because you’re strong enough to let it out
KEEP GOING, not because they’re watching
But because we’re cheering for you
LOVE, not […]
So many of you think I’m a good writer, and I have lots of poems. I want to thank everyone who has supported me in my writing and for telling me your stories, they are my inspirations. If there are any new people, feel free to tell me your story. I’m ALWAYS here to listen. You can comment or email me at kenzie.fallenangel33@gmail.com I’ve been through a lot and won’t ever judge. My story is long and sad and I can relate to most of yours.
(I wrote this awhile back…)
Unfinished
The feeling that I have now
for you I will not show
I would if I knew how
what would happen? I don’t know
Your thought of me is unsure
I think maybe I could be
just a little more like her
then maybe, just maybe you’ll start to love me
Everytime you talk to me
I can’t help but feel
maybe, just maybe
your caring for me is real
I think you care but then
you prove it isn’t true
you’ve broken my heart again
I can’t believe I trusted you
And then my hopes begin to fade
my world comes crashing down
Hi…I’m kenzie…
-my uncle commited suicide
-3 of my closest friends want to commit suicide
-my dad verbally abuses me all of the time
-my mom is always out working
-popular kids at my school laugh at me behind my back
-nobody cares unless they need something from me
-my kind nature gets taken advantage of
-I’m told that I’m worthless
-nobody believes I can reach my dream
-most people don’t think I’m that pretty
-sometimes I sit in my room and cry
-my grandparents are mean to me because I have pretty tan skin
-nobody cares how I feel
-I’ve been told to kill […]
Soo…I heard that some people missed me..and I want you to know..I’m okay, everything is good. So if anyone wants to talk…I’ll listen. How is everyone doing? I’m pretty sure I can help…(: