I wanna cut so bad tonight. The knife looks really tempting right now. Maybe just a few cuts… It won’t do much harm unless I can’t stop like last time, right?
Why do people care about me? Why do they pay attention to me? Why don’t they just walk by with giving a look at me? Why can’t they just leave me alone to suffer? Why can’t they waste their time on something besides me? Why me? I’m a worthless, stupid person that needs to be left to suffer and die.
It’s fuckin’ 0240 and I’m wide awake. Not to mention that I have 4 hours of softball practice tomorrow and 1 hour of gym class plus whatever shit I have to do around the house. Isn’t this fuckin’ outstanding?
So… I started again. I tried so hard not to, but I just gave in… More scars…
I know I’m 14 years old, and I’m young, but I can’t help but be fascinated by the idea of drinking myself to death. It’d be awesome. What a nice way to die with some alcohol and then just falling asleep and never waking up again. Maybe then someone would care about me, because I know for sure that nobody does now…
Just because I smile doesn’t mean I’m really happy. Just because I’m smart doesnt mean I’m mentally stable. Just because I wear clothes that cover up my body doesn’t mean I don’t have cuts and bruises from bullies underneath. Just because I am against suicide doesn’t maan I don’t consider it myself. Just because I help other doesn’t mean I don’t need help myself. Just because I like school doesn’t mean I like it because it’s fun.
You know, it really stinks to watch people struggle and fight to live for almost a year, only to be told that they are too “weak” to handle any more surgeries and die. It’s hard to watch their family try to cope with such a traumatic loss while being supported by thousands of caring people. Every person you lose, it feels like you lose part of yourself.
Rest in peace, Sgt. Jarboe.
“If you ain’t Cav, you ain’t shit!”
I’m so sick of the bullying, harassing, teasing, laughing,
the discrimination, the name calling, the sexual comments, the torture.
Why is everyone around me is sick, suffering, in pain, and dying?
Everyone thinks they know how I feel, what I’m going through, why.
They judge my my expressions, my tone, my mood, my thoughts.
I wouldn’t mind being killed, or killing myself at any moment.
It’s like a never ending story, it’s like a living Hell.
You read the stories of people suffering and slowly dying. You hear the words of being told a person is dead over and over again in your dreams. You see everyone you know around you dying suddenly without signs. You cry every night when you remember them living. You beg God to somehow bring them back to you and alive again. You feel the presence of your lost friends at your side all the time. You replay the scenes of their death over and over again. You spend hours memorizing facts about the people you lost. You reread your last message or recall your last […]
Well, I’m not sure if any of you guys can remember a young woman on here that went by the name of bex21, but a month ago today, her life ended due to overdose. On that night, January 17th, at about 2030, she emailed me and begged me to reply, telling me she had already done what needed to be done and she was playing the “waiting game” and she only had an hour or two left to live. She was in a lot of pain. I emailed her and we sent messages back and forth for about 2 hours, sharing each other’s stories, but […]