Feeling hella robotic/empty today. Switching on autopilot for the 8hrs. at work.
I would find it hard for anyone to answer that question with a definitive no. Some thing as small as a good:book, movie, meal, or drug, is enough to make you happy, even if only temporarily. I feel happy when I’m around people who laugh at my jokes, and when I’m able to help those closest to me. I’m also happy when I’m: high, drunk, fucking, and cutting, but that is more a happiness centered on the basest of pleasures. Lastly I would say I’m most happy when jamming on the piano or singing. I realize I have a lot more in my life than […]
I totally just realized how much of a lil ***** I’ve been lately. Things have been way worse before and I didnt break down. Need to just grow the fuck up.
/???????
People ask all over the internet for a “gauranteed”, method of suicide, or “quick and painless” , or “like falling asleep”. The answer is so obvious it’s sad. With death flowing through my veins I’m an inch away from death every day. Don’t ask, I wont tell you because it’s just too easy.
I’m not used to being hated by everyone around me, everyone in my life. It fucking sucks. It also feels weird being totally alone; no one to talk to, no one to care about me, no one for me to care for. Typically, people love me and I’m lauded over my awesome personality and just overall likeable qualities. That’s not my own ego speaking. I literally would have at least one person a day at a very minimum go out of their way to express there admiration of one of my traits. But once again I’ve hit rock bottom and this time the […]
I found the remedy for life,
I have the remedy for love.
These feelings make me sick
Death is medicine
My life has finally come crashing down once again. So much has happened in the last 48hrs, too much to handle, and it’s too late to fix anything. I feel so overwhelmed right now. I fucked up. In so so many ways I have fucked up. 48hrs is so short, but trust me, I’m too late.
So I tore myself apart last night, I mean that literally. Even thought about how the scars would look once healed, but I still did it. No sleep, a scandalous female in my bed who is just 100% using me, and I think Im gonna get fired from my job.
Fuuuuuuuuck. Shit goes downhill fast, people.
Straight locd to tha brain nigga. Fuck.
What do you do with your time? Do you think it’s worth it? Im actually asking hoping for answers.
Sunday is gloomy, tuesday is there as well as wednesday, thursday is the sign that youre almost through the week, friday is full of fun and saturday is silent. I’ m pretty drunk and bored.
Standing on the shoreline looking out, all I see are blood red seas. The sun doesn’t shine here, so the sky is grey. The land doesn’t want me, so it makes it hard to live. Nature wants me dead. That’s why we all die anyways, it’s natural. But I have survived. Year after year I remain, but it’s just a flash of time anyway. Haha, this is such senseless shit. I’m bored and wish I were more intoxicated than I am
So I start my position as assistant manager today and I just did a shot of heroin in front of the cameras. It’s sad that a hardcore drug addict has a better work ethic than all of these normal people. I feel bad when I get promoted over people that have been with the company for years and I havent even been here a year.
Dont be weak, be strong. Don’t worry about things out of your own control. Don’t let other peoples actions effect you. Be the one in control. Why does any of it matter anyways? Just say fuck it and do what makes you happy.
I’m a piece of shit. All I do is manipulate people, all day, all the time. It’s so easy to get people to do exactly what you want. Working in sales, getting promoted at work, constantly getting people to lend me money, favors, it’s way too easy. I really needed money the other day so I told myself I would get this chick that likes me at work to offer me the money without even asking, it worked, and I walked home laughing about it. I don’t have the emotions I used to, it’s fuckn weird. Getting chicks into bed is probably the easiest. It’s […]
Opiate withdrawals can go fuck off! I beat you again heroin, you cruel *****. I’m not letting you back in my life! I’m taking back control, for good.
I used to ask the god I believe in to put all of my families burdens on myself instead of them. For them to be able to live peaceful happy lives at the cost of my own life. I would never take that back, and I still would say the same today. I can’t complain that my own life is not easy. Maybe it’s really just all of this coming to fruition. My family is happier and more peaceful than I have ever seen them and in this time of happiness I am completely seperate from them all. Miles and miles seperate us locking me […]
I’m at work right now, I wish I were dead instead.
When I’m with my loved ones, I wish I were dead instead.
I’m alone, I wish were dead instead.
Once I’m dead I will be wishing for something else, because no matter where I am it still feeld like hell.
I can’t do this by myself anymore……someone please help. Not literally, I know nobody can help, but I want someone or something to exist that can make my problems dissapear. Downward spiral of self destruction, drugs will destroy your soul.