All I could think about all day was how when I get my paycheck im gonna get some drugs and OD. Then, my grandma was so caring and attentive to me because Im sick. She made me tea, chicken soup, and told me to let her know if I needed anything else. Then, my uncle picked up a couple brews and came to shoot the shit for awhile and it was fun. How could I do that to such an awesome family? Just the burden of my funeral alone, let alone the emotional toll on them. Then, I think of my little brother and sister, how would this effect them? Its not fair, I want to die but cant do this to them.
Fuuuuuuck! Im stressed.
How about you?
Its the end of the line for me Ive run out of time and bleed from my soul my heart has grown cold from the the things I have done singularity is me, alone, one.
This culmination of events is my ruination, my decent. Into darkness I fall as the devil calls. I will burn for this, I deserve this.
Things were going so well yet in the span of three days it has all gone to shit. Im worthless, a worthless piece of shit. Three fucked up days/nights in a row was all it took for things to come falling down. I don’t want to be here anymore.
What a horrible day. I feel like a complete fuck up. I’ve decided not to eat today just to punish myself. Maybe I will do better tomorrow. Probably not though. I forsee things getting worse.
Leave me alone with my thoughts, I cannot, deal with these things, giving me a reason to disbelieve, that time brings healing because I keep falling
Relapse, don’t ever get well. Tell yourself, that it’s ok, it’s never ok. Destroy yourself.
A round of applause for the curtains closing on this tragedy. Played out by an actor ignorant of his role in it all. I take a bow and say, “goodnight all”.
I have a habit of talking to others while Im really talking to myself. Not tryin to seem like im superior, or judging, or knowledgeable in the slightest. Im really talking to myself. Saying things I need to hear. I just realized it.
Never been so low, didnt know. That I could fall so far covered in scars. Caused by the drugs I use, I abuse. Shit. It wasnt written in the stars its the life I choose. Whats it to you? If I hurt myself, nobody else, self destruct. Fuck health. Aint no one got time for that…So, Ima grab another sack. Lay back and pray I never wake up. Cause I cant get my cake up, while starin in the face of, this dark hearted demon, i just feel like leaving, everything ive known everytime that Im fiendin. No sleepin no eatin, barely even human. Constant weeping labored breathin, about to start losin, my own sanity. Left alone, no home, so I roam…ughh…. but it, is not the real me. I died a long time ago. Now Im a monster in a human coat.
I know its not great. I tried to use punctuation to convey: rhythm, cadence, and tone. Dont think it helped much though. Its a rap. I usually sing, but I found this sick instrumental online and had to flow. Srry about the topic matter.
Thats not a typo. Its something my grandpa used to say and I would try to answer it for hours. Some things have no answer. Sometimes no matter how hard you try you will never get the desired results. Somethings make no sense. Im tired of trying to find an answer and am now content just letting things be. Im in a rough spot right now, worse off than ever. I havent given up yet. Gimme another week though and we’ll see if I still have the strength to carry on.
I had the power of a dream
Change was mine to choose
Yet when the light pours in
The power I will lose
We all have so much to deal with. I wish everyone in this life the best of outcomes. The wheel keeps spinning regardless of whether or not it’s too fast to keep pace with. Don’t fall off the tracks my bros and sisters. Just keep running, falling, and getting back up to do it some more. Peace and love be with you all.
Damn, in the last couple months I have been: fired, arrested, evicted, quit opiates cold turkey, and whatever else has gone wrong. Despite it all I’m doing alright. Working 16hrs. a day processing fish making good money. Free room and board and have made a bunch of awesome friends. Me and the homie went to look at apartments today and to look for permanent jobs. Life could be worse for me is all I’m saying, and I know it is worse for many of you. I’m sorry if you are in pain. All I can say is when life gives you lemons make lemonade, and if you don’t have sugar just deal with that sour taste. Don’t dwell on the past or future, what’s happening right now is what matters; and you always have the power to change the present.
Slowly moving, despite the fact that I’m holding myself back. Forward’s my direction, if I can keep from falling backwards. Words don’t mean a thing, and I am often contemplating, upon what I want. It’s enough to make me go insane!
I thought the title to my post was fuckn funny. Made me lol. I am so fuckn bored. But hey, at least I’m not in prison.
…they had state run suicide facilities? Wouldn’t it be gnarly? A place you could go and just be, “put to sleep”, like an animal at the vet. How many people would go? How many would go during a brief period of irrationality, or some other kind of temporary causal factor? Many people feel suicidal at one point or another, most don’t act upon these feelings. But if it were that easy then maybe
So I got arrested yesterday for heroin possession and trespassing, I have an abscessed tooth causing untold amounts of pain, I’m close to losing my job, and might have to go to prison in 12 days. Suicide has never seemed like a better option.
I destroyed my vocal chords screaming the other day. Never been this bad. I can’t even sing to make myself feel better, and it’s already been two days. Can’t talk, can’t yell at anyone, lol. Think I might of done permanent damage .
I can’t stand it anymore. Seconds feel like hours, minutes like days. This microwave dinner just wont cook fast enough. What can I do? In need of serious help people.
I bought a breakfast sandwhich, when I coulda had some dank french toast. This decision keeps bothering me. I don’ t know how I’m gonna deal with it.
Havent slept in days havent showered in days. Feeling completely inhuman. No water on the property for over a week, and once again I’m withdrawing so I cant sleep. On top of it all I’m hungry as fuck with no money cause I spent it all on drugs and got jacked 100 bux. I ate a fucking dog biscuit yesterday, and it didnt even taste bad. Wtf? Just need to make it three more days till payday. Damn. I know I can do it, but……..damn.