Author

Kakubetsuna

A Reason To Stay Alive

by Kakubetsuna 10/31/2015

written by Kakubetsuna

“You need to find a reason to stay alive”

A simple and annoying sentence that people used each time I come to them to explain about how I’m having suicidal thoughts. It’s easier said than done. While I hate it so much because they kept on replaying it like some kind of broken radio, I do realize it’s because they can’t really do anything about it. About me. I tried and be open about my situation to my most trusted friend. We argue a little about how she didn’t reach me and try to help. But in her defense, there’s nothing to help when I can’t […]

10/31/2015 10 comments

Attention Seekers

by Kakubetsuna 10/28/2015

written by Kakubetsuna

Are we?

Few people that fairly close to me are calling me that. They didn’t say it directly to my face. I stumble upon their post on social media because apparently word just got out that I leave everyone because I have depression. And of course, just like any other community or society in these world, most of them thought that depression isn’t real. “It’s all in your head”. “Try and be happy”. “You need to have a reason to move forward”. You know the deal. All these motivational quotes they get on Pinterest/Tumblr.

It does, however, make me think. Do I (we?) really need the attention? Am I an attention seeker? Maybe […]

10/28/2015 9 comments

Am I selfish?

by Kakubetsuna 10/28/2015

written by Kakubetsuna

Some of my friends been calling me selfish for not being open and how I didn’t even share about what’s been bothering me. What they don’t realize is, it started with sadness but after a while I can’t even explain what’s wrong with me. Even if I do tell them everything, I already know what’s their comeback is. Some of them will be telling stories about how they struggled more before and come out alright. Some of them giving their successful friend as an example. I mean, really? I seek for any listening ears to my problems, my woes, my concerned, my sadness, my suicidal thoughts, […]

10/28/2015 10 comments

Struggling to move forward

by Kakubetsuna 10/27/2015

written by Kakubetsuna

Where to go from here?

It’s all started when I lost my job. It’s kind of my dream job. A game tester. Stay at home, wake up, power up the PC and start doing my work. It’s a fun job. But like any other job in creative industries, be it game development, animation or film making, when there’s no demand, there’s no money. So around 20 people being laid off.

It’s all going downhill from there. I lost my will to live. I applied for other jobs almost instantly. But I stopped. I stop looking for a job. I stayed at home. Playing games. Put on a […]

10/27/2015 2 comments