Today, I had to present on an article in class. In short, it was a disaster. The main problem was in that I did not explain the article from the perspective that the teacher expected it to be. It’s not the first time, I have focused on the wrong perspective. It could literally be a feature of my life. I just don’t understand why do I always see things so differently. Like how am I suppose to fit into society?
Since I was 10, my birthday wish has remained the same. All I wish for is for mother to die. Overtime, I noticed that it is quite hard for her to die. She is darn healthy all the time, even COVID did nothing to her.
She loves to draw her own conclusion without being informed. She said she knew I didn’t want to pursue my studies. For real, what does she know. Does she know how many nights I spent crying and feeling that I am useless, failing at every attempt I do? Does she know that my social anxiety is so severe that I hyperventilate […]
Dear Dr.X,
Thank you for getting through with the call with me today. I knew it was quite late for you since you didn’t have a continuous sleep the night before. I can hear your agitation in your tone although you kept on with the polite laughs and expressing gratitude as usual. The many times you called within a minute alone showed your agitation, while I was using the loo.
I want to tell you that I am sorry for coercing you into a late night call. I know that I was being inconsiderate of your situation. I only consider about my own convenience and feeling, ignoring […]
When I woke up this morning, I knew I have fallen out of reality again. Everything looks, sounds and feels grey. I have gone through at least 10 YouTube videos where 3 are just repeats of the same video. I have watched 1 encouragement video about money, doesn’t sound encouraging to me at this point. It’s like time have just stopped even while I see the water flowing, the people walking, yet the time is static. Everything is beyond my reach, that’s because I am walking through a black and white movie. I can’t remember the feeling that pushes me forward, the goals that I […]
It’s another one of those periodic times where suicidal thoughts come and go as they please inside my head.
This is the third time this feeling of “could someone just kill me now” has infiltrated my head. It is raining heavily outside and the weather has been cold for a few days in a row now. I am missing my targets for the day again, I just want to end.
This is my first post. Everything is quite disorganize and I don’t know how to present my thoughts appropriately + being intoxicated with Vodka. I apologize to all readers in advance. Really, I am sorry.
So…I am a 20ish person trying to get into a graduate program. Since the program is research related, I am in the process of writing a proposal to get into a master program. Wrote the first draft… well that turned out as a disaster. Was told that it was too undergraduate quality. I knew I was never the smart enough for academic stuff. Even stayed behind for a year during high […]