I am alright and get through my day half decently, then I don’t know what…usually in the evenings I am stirred by a torrential wave of wanting to die and self harm.
Tonight it is connected to the men I wanted to love that didn’t love me. I want to drift into oblivion when I think about how I let them treat me or what I put up with/fell for. I am stupid; I am trash; I am no one.
He left with her; ten years younger than I. How the hell can I compete? He is so beautiful to look at I want to stab a knife in my stomach and rip all the guts out by turning. I can’t have what I want. I want him. He wants her: story of my life. I saw them leave together. So I ended up drunk at some house party where I made a fool of myself and let some dumb dog chew my hands and arms to bits. I feel nothing. It felt so good at the time to let the dog chew and chew […]
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