I am 35 you would think I would have grown out of this cutting shit. but apparently not. I have not done this in years and years and now all of a sudden I slice myself up. I decided that I wanted to do some self modification. I am so hurt so angry so mad…. I had told my husband that I was going to do self modification and do some scarification (a form of “body art”) and I decided to make myself look like a living Sally doll (from nightmare before Christmas) so I sliced lines all over my legs and cross hatching to […]
The Conqueror Worm
By Edgar Allan Poe
Lo! ’t is a gala night
Within the lonesome latter years!
An angel throng, bewinged, bedight
In veils, and drowned in tears,
Sit in a theatre, to see
A play of hopes and fears,
While the orchestra breathes fitfully
The music of the spheres.
Mimes, in the form of God on high,
Mutter and mumble low,
And hither and thither fly—
Mere puppets they, who come and go
At bidding of vast formless things
That shift the scenery […]
Just curiosity about how old everyone is and gender?
35 Female
Im numb now… no not numb exactly…I have forgiven him all the shit that went down… an addiction is a nasty thing and he is seeking help. has a specialist who deals with the sexual addiction may be going to a inpatient facility for a while… I forgave him (mostly some days it is hard though to remember that) .. now it is just the life with him.. my life ..
Im not sure I want it any more.. not just the life with him but any life.. well obviously im on here it has been like that for a while.
but Im not […]
so more came out. along with the paying whores for the last seven years he had multipul e mail accounts and was sending messages back and forth with people was on tons of sex sites chat sites dating sites getting naked pics from people jerking off to anything anyone any fucking whale or old lady who sent him shit. pretending he was this black guy with a HUGE ungodly moster penis. OMG.. unreal… my life seems so unreal.. like a awful fucking joke.. and I know he has a addiction problem and he is gonna get help but then there is other shit …apparently my […]
Still hoping I can gather the courage I need. I keep going on each day either having a pretty good day or feeling like total shit… I tried to go and do similer stuff to what he has done… but can not bring myself to.. I dont even fucking care it dose nothing for me.. what was the draw for him… this shit means nothing without some form of emotion behind it… why was I not good enough.. pretty enough… why did I not mean enough?? why could he not respect me us our family? god.. just one more day… then help me please have […]
I am praying that I don’t wake up in the morning. I usually do this each night before I go to bed now. I don’t yet have the courage to end things myself but I keep thinking each day I will get braver. I know why I want to end my life would seem rediculas to many. silly.. but the pain my heart and mind are in is unbearable to me. I do not want to hear it will get better. that I will heal that there is other options or that someone out there cares. or will love me. I can not even begin […]