Is there ever really a perfect time to do it? I think we all wait till things get so bad that we completely run out of resources and patience – and then we do it. I always thought that’s how things are. That’s what I learned suicide is – running out of the resources to cope.
But what if I am at that point? All I think about is suicide. All I want is death. I have nothing to live for. I have recently run out of every reason to live. The one person that gave me hope for a future, gave me reason to believe I will have children with him, a real, good family – left me for his ex. They were only together for 3 months, while we were for 2 years. He told me today he never loved me, that I’m a disgusting human being. I had no dreams but to have a family with him. It’s not a case of need – I didn’t really need him. I just have no purpose in life now. I’m just drifting. I’m completely numb, only my heart hurts. If I jumped at a train in busy London – I would only be viewed as a hassle. I don’t think there is a perfect time. I just think a suitable time is coming for a decided action. I just… don’t know what to tell the people I love.