My husband is cruel to me. I literally cry “you’re hurting me” and get nothing but anger and a cold shoulder. I have been suicidal since middle school. I’m now nearly 50. I have been cutting myself again. I’m starting to plan for my death again. I know I need help. I want to find the courage to leave this man who makes me think I’m crazy. I can’t tell anymore, but I know I feel abused.
I thought I was gone from this site, it’s been over a year. I thought things were looking up, but I’m still a failure. I thought I had already lost everything, but I’m about to lose more. I am so overwhelmed and hopeless. I have done everything I can do to build myself up, but it always comes back to this. I’m tired of feeling afraid all the time. I don’t really want to die, but I have exhausted all other options. It’s been so long, decades. There are people I love, far more than I love myself. So I keep on, keeping […]
-I want friends who have good lives to stop telling me to snap out of it.
-I want to be able to tell someone how I really feel without the fear of being committed
-I wish I could tell someone I think about committing suicide at least once an hour, I even dream about it.
-I wish I didn’t think awful things like “if I get a call and my daughter has been killed in a car crash, I can finally die without the guilt. That would break my bond to her and I could rest peacefully along side her.
-I wish I could tell […]
Sometimes I wish there was some sort of real time meet ups over Skype, teleconference, chat rooms, at a dinner even, where people could come and discuss freely about their feelings, life circumstances, suicide plans and the deep depression that makes them feel like suicide may be the only way out. Without fear of people calling the police, telling you to snap put of it, reminding you that a lot of people go through bad times. The fact that you have to remain so closed on the subject makes you feel even more alone.
Oh well, just a wish. This secret is a terrible […]
How does one get over thinking about how hurt their children, family, and friends will be after they commit suicide? I keep telling myself I can’t continue to feel this way for them. I’ve gotten help, but I just can’t make my brain think what I want it to. I’m still despondent. Everyone knows how I feel, but it’s been so long that I try to hide it so I don’t burden them further. I decide I have to do it, I can’t think of another way out, but I think of my 19 year old daughter crying for me, and my mother who has […]