I recently started taking high doses  of Lortab,and I take about 4 or 5. Damn, Its nice. Its like all the voices stop for a couple hours and I can just enjoy the silence. The come down is horrible. Its not the pills its the fact that I am addicted to medicine I shouldn’t even be taking. Now Im stuck thinking about what happens when I run out. I wish I would never taken those wonderful fucking horrible things.Now the shame sets in , and that makes me want to take some that much more
Today I broke my nose to let the blood just pour out, let it fall in a cup…then drank it.A good half cup, the weird thing is it was I liked it. WHAT THE FUCK! Am I just going completely insane here. Please if you read this dont write me off as a sick fuck, even though I might me. Sometimes I just feel like I am losing it
Im out of my meds, and havent taken them for a couple of days, and im freaking the hell out. I need my fucking zolft . I feel like im trying to swollow a fucking knife right now, I want to cry , can you belive that? Im a guy im not supposed to cry, im supposed to just lock that shit away but with out drugs im fucked. I feel like ripping of my face or throwing everything on the floor and re-organize for hours(last time I arranged the house for 2 fucking days) Fuck OCD and Fuck depression and Fuck anxiety. I am […]
I have been cut free for a year as of last week. I have never known any cutters other than myself, but that maybe because I never told anyone . No why would they expect that the laughing funny guy is just a mask to hide my rotting face behind.Even though its nearly killed me several times I still want to cut. When I cut I pretend I was a surgeon and I was just performing an operation, nothing was solved but nothing mattered.Does this ever go away? Its funny, such a little piece of metal can control me so easily.I cut  off one eyebrow […]
I dont know how to start this. I feel head sick, my brain just never stops. everything is just going and going.it feels like its been years since i slept, like really slept, or woke up and felt like”todays he day”. my entire life i have always felt behind, like everyone in the world attended the”how to” of life, and i was late and missed it. sometimes i have dark thoughts, dark enough i wont put on here but they are terrifying. the thing that i dont get is i come from a good home. both my parents love me and my mom has done […]