So this morning I woke up, shaking and I couldn’t breathe. In my head I was telling myself “Your okay, your okay, why are you being so dramatic?!” and I couldn’t stop shaking. Breathing became extremely hard. I couldn’t move. I felt trapped and honestly, every time I have a panic attack I feel like i’m in hell or being buried alive. It feels like I’m dying, it feels like I’m being attacked. It feels like I am going to die. It’s terrifying, and I can’t do anything about it.
I’m sorry if this is weird, but I was thinking and I’m not sure how much I’ll really want to say when I see you tomorrow, but right now I feel like talking so I think I’m going to try and tell you some things now so you basically know whats happening.
So I started taking my anxiety medication and I don’t think it’s working at all. In fact I think I’ve been getting a lot worse. I keep shaking like whenever I get anxious or nervous I can’t breathe, I can barely talk and my jaw starts shaking and it looks like I’m shivering. […]
I will NEVER love myself. I can’t ever picture myself being confident or happy with who I am and happy with how I look. I hate every single thing about myself. I hate my eyes, I hate my hair, I hate my nose, my mouth, my chest, my body, my legs, everything. I hate everything. I can’t even live with myself at this point. I honestly can not picture ever being okay with myself, so if I’m going to live such a miserable life, why am I even alive?
I am so sorry. I know I should not have done it, but I couldn’t live like this anymore. It’s nothing anybody did. It’s all my fault. I love you guys, I love everyone in my life, but the pain I’ve been going through is just to much and I can’t picture myself ever getting better or happy again. Thank you for everything you have done. It really did stick and it did mean something. I just can’t continue on living the way I was feeling. I love you all so much and I am so sorry, I really am. I have to do this, It’s […]
I seriously want to kill myself. More than anything. I said last night that I don’t think I deserved to live and his response was “Who are you to judge who lives and who dies”. Surprisingly that may have just proved how useless I really am. I am much more of a burden than I am worth. I hate myself. I hate the way I look. I hate the way I speak. I hate my unbreakable habits. I wish that at the very least I could cut deep enough to seem legit, but all I am is a superficial, self absorbed, burden on the earth. […]
Hi, it’s Astley. So on friday, I walked into parents room and my dad says “You’re wearing long sleeves” and gave me a look. I sat down on the bed and my three year old brother leans over and said “Let me see” I pulled up the sleeve with my cuts on it and he looked at me and said “Now the right side” so I showed him (no cuts on the right side) and he said “good job” then went back to teen titans…
Hi.. My name is Astley. I’m fourteen years old and I think I’ve been through a lot. My grandma has ALS so my family’s been gone a lot. I’ve been cutting for over a year and I really really want to kill myself. I struggle with horrible anxiety, Anorexia, and depression. I honestly hate myself. More than anything. I don’t think I deserve to live. I think I’m more trouble than I’m worth and I do take more than I ever give in. I hate myself so much. If I kill myself though, so will my boyfriend and I just can’t do that to his […]