It’s been a brutal semester. I just need to get this out, so I can concentrate on completing my final paper. I’m feeling tremendously overwhelmed. Failure weighs heavily, on my mind, I got kicked out of university my first year, I took too many classes, yes my parents pressured me, but I could have said no and I missed the deadline to withdraw without penalty. One of my friend’s had the same problem and she found out we could talk to the dean, I didn’t show up for my appointment with the dean because I believed all the things I had ever heard about myself […]
If I could rub the genie lamp I’d wish for a view of how everything turns out after I exit or before. Life is tolerable. It’s true I don’t have the white picket fence that little girls dream of…when I was little I was trying to survive my reality and that left no time for dreaming of white picket stuff.
If I knew for certain this is all my life would ever be, then it would be oh so simple to say good bye. Maybe some people don’t find their soul-mates and they’re alone for ever. Or maybe I’m too fucked up to have a soul […]
I’m stuck. I feel like I can’t get better and this inability to move past my trauma is limiting my ability to live my life the way I want too. I try. I can go months without hurting myself and then something that is seemingly random breaks my illusion of healthiness and I fall backwards on my ass to the depths of despair. I can’t seem to forgive myself for shit that has gone wrong…and the more I try to examine my issues I feel the higher the chance of relapse. I don’t have a support system […]