The woman I love is moving tomorrow. We never officially dated because she had commitment issues. I really wish she would stay here longer but I understand why she has to go. We would have eventually dated if she stayed longer, I know it.
I remember back in high school I’d be called names and be bullied verbally and physically. At the time if you were to tell me I’d long for those days to come back, I’d say you were just as bad as those bullies. But the day has come that I wish I’d be bullied again… because then I wouldn’t be alone anymore. Being abused is preferable to being completely isolated and stuck in solitude. I literally have no friends, and believe me, I’ve tried to make friends. I try and try and try and try and try and no kind of relationship sticks for longer […]
I think I’m still alive because my subconscious still wants to experience certain things I haven’t tried yet. I’m still a virgin (24 Y/O), haven’t graduated from university, and haven’t lived on my own.
I really really want to die though… I’m sure you know the feeling. But for now these things compel me not to find a way to end my own life. With no one to share a life with, or a life to live for, there no reason to live at all. So once those things are experienced at least once, there won’t be anything holding me back anymore… But we’ll see I […]
My last single friend just proposed to his girlfriend and will be getting married at the end of the year. What little I have seen of him since he’s being going out with this girl will be diminished to next to nothing, if at all. Plus, he’s my last friend not married. I wish it didn’t really matter if someone was married or not to hang out with friends, but it does to their wives. Another friend who’s married has a spouse that prevents him from seeing me, as if he needs permission from mommy to play with the neighborhood kids down the street.
So in […]
Let’s say you just committed suicide. The method doesn’t have to matter unless it’s important to your fantasy. After your death, you continue to watch the events unfold because of it like it’s a movie. What would happen in your fantasy?
For me, I imagine killing myself in my backyard. No one hears me. Days later after no one answers my phone or gets the door, the stench of my rotting corpse finally reaches the neighbors. Cops are called, family is reached and the hazmat squad comes to clean up the mess. Of course my family is broken up, blaming themselves for what the could have […]
Wow oh wow. The level of ambivalence towards my existence is amazing. It took me over a year to realize that. The number of successful relationships is also the number of failed relationships as well, because they are the same. I was blessed with a friend here, or a girlfriend there, and then for one reason or another, I lose them because of my idiocy. I just wish I had appreciated those relationships when they were there instead of giving in to “social pressures” or whatever that is. What was wrong with me. What is wrong with me. Now I can’t call anyone my friend. […]
…right now I might feel as bad. I’ve been suicidal before, but for some reason I am not right now. Even though I’m not suicidal, I feel just about as bad as I did in the past when I did. Guess this means I’m getting stronger? Hope so. In any case, the feeling still feels bad in any context.
Anyways, what’s a suicide project post without a little sob story? We all got them, but I’ll spare you the details since it’s pretty cut and paste. I met a girl 3 weeks ago that literally met every quality I look for in a girl that also […]
There’s a lot of posts that go through here, so I expect that the people who read this post didn’t read my earlier one… I promised to say something if I somehow didn’t go through with my suicide. Well, long story short, my ex-girlfriend stopped me, and said to me that she ‘loves me’ and ‘cares’ about me deeply. I knew in the back of my mind that she had to say that whether it was true or not, and my gut told me it wasn’t. However, my heart needed to cling onto anything in that moment to help me survive. After going to the […]
I have had reoccurring depression for half my life, and I am 22. When I was a teenager, I would tell my parents that I was going to kill myself, and this of course would freak them out and I got counseling, then got on medication. The years that followed had me going in a cycle of depression that would turn on and off over and over and over again, with each spout of depression last weeks, and my ‘good’ moods lasting days.
While I was feeling good, I’d say to myself, “What was I thinking? I can’t commit suicide!” But then only a few days […]