In a lot of stories there are those people that live sad lives and die sad. They are just kinda shit out of luck, always just miss opportunities to make their lives better and connect with people. Life is so up and down for everyone, but for those people the downs seem to get deeper and flatter and deeper and flatter. I am well into a deep, flat, swing. Each time there is positive momentum and a good plateau, the downs stretch out longer and longer. I know it’s all about perspective – glass half full and all that – but there is also experience. […]
I want a healthy relationship. But part of opening up to someone is talking about wanting to die. Then this perverts the relationship with either a)flirting with the idea of a suicide pact or b)becoming its gravitational center. Has anyone else walked this line? Possibly even successfully?
I haven’t spoken publicly/anonymously about wanting to kill myself in a long time. Probably not since I was a preteen. That’s what I want to do today. Get something off my chest about that. For me, suicide and sex are inexplicably connected. I don’t have any clear reason for this. As far as I know, there isn’t any one moment in my childhood that I can point to and say “right there – that’s when I became so fucked up.”
What I do remember is being in elementary school and staying up all night having very graphic sexual fantasies about being raped and murdered. I remember […]