Hello. Now I know that this is the last place I should be looking for advice, but I figured since I had no one else to turn to I’d give it a shot. I am currently a senior in high school. I have never, in my life, gone on a date. If I’m going to be pulling my life out of the gutter, I guess I should start here. So any advice? To clarify, I am a dude and I am interested in girls. I have no idea how to make conversation nor do I know when it’s […]
Hello. I want to write a hypothetical suicide note. I’ve been thinking about this for a few so here it goes:
I felt bad, so I left. I didn’t want to deal with all the disappointments that life had left to offer so I stopped. You probably don’t want to understand, and I understand that. Right now it might feel shitty, but you will get through this. Or maybe you’re glad that I did this. In that case, you’re welcome. There’s not much to say but here it goes.
To my family:
Hey mom and dad. You […]
Hello. My head is full. There is too much in it. The words are all jumbled around and loud. None of it makes any sense. All of it is just incoherent nonsense. I want to do it today. I want to end it. It would be easy. Just go in the kitchen, get a knife, lie on the bed, and tear open the throat. No more worrying. No more suffering. No more confusion. Just silence. Peaceful silence. I want to do it today. What do the consequences matter. […]
Hello. I suppose I have my freedom. Today I found something out about someone that had a certain hold over me. Something that made that hold over me non existent. I don’t really feel like going on about it in detail. I’m not even sure how true it is. I don’t care. I choose to believe it and have my freedom. I no longer have to have that person in my head anymore. At least that is what I’ll say now. My mind will probably fall victim to that old hold again. And again. […]
Hello. Haven’t been here in like two weeks. Been busy I suppose you would call it. In my previous posts I have stated that I am not interested in suicide nor am I interested in going on. I was in limbo. Not particularly leaning one way or the other. Recently I feel like I am leaning. I start to look around and question why any of it even matters. I knew it didn’t matter before, but when I was thinking about it I thought there was no harm in going on either. Now my thought process […]
Hello. It’s out of my hands now. I’ve submitted my application. It was due on the 1st so I decided to submit it two days early. Nothing left for me to worry about. All I know is that it’s over. Weather I get in or not is of no consequence. I’m free. Until the next application. Thank you for listening.
Hello. Time is just ticking away. I have to turn in this college application by Tuesday for some big name school in Massachusetts. I’m just not up to it. Every time I look at the application I just don’t want to do it. I’m sick of looking at it. I don’t want this anymore. I’m tired of it. It doesn’t even matter. Why do I try so hard when it doesn’t even matter. It’s like rolling down a hill. Once you start you can’t stop. No matter how much you want to, you can’t […]
Hello. I’m almost positive that I’m back to having depression. With everything going on such as college aps, struggling to be more social, and just the effort it takes to go to school, I feel that I’m back to feeling like shit. However, I can’t say that I am suicidal. I feel as if I am in limbo though. I have no motivation to kill myself and I have no motivation to keep going. I often question why I even get up in the morning, but don’t have the motivation to break the cycle and stay there. Sometimes […]
Hello. Not doing too well. I think I’m having a minor nervous breakdown. Have certain things to do. None of it is getting done. Every time I try to think of it, my mind doesn’t want to. It changes the subject. It should be easy. It isn’t. Everything is falling apart. It is all very terrible. I’m just screaming into the void. Nothing comes back. I have no one to lean on. Everybody else has a friend or two which they can lean on. I’m like a peg in the sand. […]
Hello. Third post this week. Haven’t posted since the weekend. Been a bit busy. Not really. Kind of just milling around even though I have a lot of work to do. I wanted to talk about that strange feeling I have been having lately. That feeling of limbo. I’m certain I don’t want to die. I’m also certain I don’t want to continue on living. I think I just want to be wiped out completely. Nothing left of me. I don’t want to exist nor do I want any sign of me to […]
Hello. Not feeling to hot. Feeling kind of lame. Just had a talk with my mother about college apps. Told me that I haven’t really been putting any effort. She isn’t wrong. What is the point of my existence. I’m not really good at anything in particular. I don’t have much of anything to me. I think I should restart. Off myself and start over. Maybe I’ll be better the second time around. Probably not. I think I have fallen back into my old ways. Depression and shit. I say […]
Hello. It has been a minute. Haven’t been here since last month. It is going ok. Two things I want to talk about. First thing: I am applying to college. Going through the application process really fucking sucks. It is stressful and I just hate it. You never really know what the answer is and you are expected to be this sort of ultra person that is good at academics, volunteer work, have all these dreams and aspirations along with a plan to achieve them and all this other shit. I just don’t have what it […]
Hello. Haven’t checked this site in about three months. I haven’t had any real need to. I think I’m fine. For now anyways. Checked it just to see how things were going and to get out of doing work. Lot’s of new names. Don’t recognize any of them. How many are still around? Rocket Man? Whiskered Fish? Shattered Iris? Mindless Gamer? I still have problems. Not worth killing myself over, but they are still problems. I don’t really have anyone. That’s ok. I’m fine. I hope the […]
Hello. Well I’m back to square one. I’ve been going on about 2 months without a freak out. I never really thought that I wouldn’t be back, but I never really thought about when I would be back either. I had to go to the doctors to get a prescription and a card. Standard stuff. I was in the car with my mom seeing as how I still haven’t taken the damn driver’s test. I purposely put her in a bad mood by talking about things that annoy her. Funny I just thought of something, but I”ll save […]
Hello. I don’t know why I’m here. I don’t know why I can’t sleep. I don’t know why I care. I’m thinking of how pointless my life is right now. How much of a nothing it is right now. Why the fuck am I even complaining? I’ve got nothing to complain about. I’m feed, I have a bed, I don’t have any relationship problems mainly because I don’t have one. Why does it seem all pointless. I have a clear defined path right fucking in front of me and I still feel like I have […]
Hello. I think I have made some progress. It has been almost a month so this will be a long post. Yesterday was the first day of my family’s roadtrip to California. Since coming back from the school trip, I haven’t gone out much. Most of the time I spent was playing games or watching youtube. For almost a full month I haven’t thought about killing myself. Then it hit me. The depression hit me again yesterday. I didn’t understand. Why after all this time. After I got yelled at for wanting the lights […]
Hello. For the past few days, I’ve been feeling more and more empty. I guess it feels like a mixture of sadness and anger, but mostly nothingness. Just white noise. I’ve fantisized more and more about jumping. I’m in the big city right now, so tall buildings are everywhere. Curently I’m on the third floor of the dorms. I’m just curious about the sensation. The feeling of falling. I’m too much of a ***** to ever jump, but I can’t help but wonder. I’m on my phone right now and typing in plain sight. […]
Hello. I want to want to be alone. I did not repeat myself. I want to posses the attitude of wanting to be alone. I get that I’m alone, but I hate that feeling of wanting to be apart of other people’s lives. I was in the mall today, on another field trip. I sat alone at the food court watching people walk by, usually in groups. They were talking, laughing, and smiling like regular people. I hated it. My head was pounding the entire time, telling me to get as far away as possible. […]
Hello. Today we went to the health museum. Once we got in the first thing I noticed was a row of black and white pictures with headphones attached to them. Each picture was a portrait of a person, with a few exeptions of people in the distance. I read the sign and it said that it was an exhibit on mental illness. I picked a picture of a particular sad man who looked to be in his late 50s and put on the headphones and pressed the button. What I heard nearly brought me to tears. He said he […]
Hello. Today I went to a communications class. If you read my last post (it’s ok if you didn’t), you know I’m visiting a university with my school. Today they tried to teach us about our college application essay. You basically have to tell a story about yourself that demonstrates your intests and personality while tying it with your academic goals. Thing is, is that I don’t have a story like that. I don’t have a particular moment or possess an aspect that I’m proud of or think is intresting. This essay has to put me in a good light, but I don’t see myself […]