Author

jade 32

Hi I am 32 and female. I live in the Uk and am looking for a cbt partner- serious replies only

Cause of Death unknown

by jade 32 6/23/2011

written by jade 32

A violent surge: a messy statement

to the world: to yourself.

Why don’ t you push some further?

Blood all over the carpet- plates crashing down.

One more go, a little voice demands.

Just a bit more blood but then you will be done.

A tangled web of shame builds all around you,

Some more blood and you’ re lying on the floor.

You stare at the Demon, the culprit, sitting on your table.

‘ please just one more go’.

The knife stabs your body and the cornflakes float around you.

Another piece of chocolate- just too much.

The mirror-‘ oh my god i’ m getting fatter-

more blood- drowning in the flab.

A size 4 ‘ oh my […]

6/23/2011 7 comments

To anyone who wants to discuss suicide and methods

by jade 32 6/19/2011

written by jade 32

I have had enough of my life. I have Bipolar and the lows are killing me- I know I want to ctb asap. I like the idea of an exit partner ie being with someone like minded , with the same goal, in my last hours, mins and seconds- entering into death with someone else is appealing. However, I wonder whether I will be responsible for that person’ s death?Â Whether if they haven’ t met me they would have found a solution in life? Can my conscience live with it if it follows me in death? Maybe it doesn’ t matter because it looks […]

6/19/2011 93 comments

Images of the Past by Jade

by jade 32 6/19/2011

written by jade 32

Is it comforting memorising phases in your life?

mirroring lights in the eyes which mirror not the demon behind.

Thoughts that scare in all their flight and finality,

and take a life, to give another back again.

The rain pours nand still the burying sounds echo within.

Never to be able to come out, out of the shell surrounding.

Outside the wind blows forcefully

and the resonance is deep,

showing, revealing, the nightmare which implores in vain to be let loose,

and yet, fancy free some people walk and never tread such a milestone as this,

and how the demons destroy our existence, never deploying to set us free.

Voices constantly in the distance reaping and […]

6/19/2011 2 comments

Peace in Death by Jade

by jade 32 6/19/2011

written by jade 32

Suicide maybe a painful deed,

travelling along a road of torture.

To heaven amongst the fields so gold-

or hell: a dream that depression leaves.

An expression of beauty- laid before the darkest dreams.

Beloved cease to amaze the lived

but open eyes and honest spirits- where the dead,

serene,belong in the hands of the gods.

Alas, a journey free begins,

where souls, liberated, are able to release emotions deep,

so cry my lass, at last the truth can be spoken,

amongst thy friends who sleep in peace.

And peace, a dream that is found so rare

becomes a symbol of everlasting sleep, a feeling that lies in the hands of the dead,

who once were hurt and at […]

6/19/2011 2 comments

Is This What you Call Life? Another poem by a suicidal female

by jade 32 6/18/2011

written by jade 32

This is another of the poems I have written while in the throes of depression- this isÂ how I feel and is about Bipolar. I am sharing this poetry with you whilst I am still here- want to ctb so so much it’ s painful.

It’ s time to fire the gun and finally rest,

putting life and death to its ultimate test.

You can’ t stop the bullet once you’ ve said go,

with thoughts flying around it’ s too late to say no.

You’ ve taken my brain and filled it with confusion,

but being God you’ ve got the right to make the intrusion.

The Devil sits in the c0rner […]

6/18/2011 3 comments

Fatality- a suicidal females poem

by jade 32 6/18/2011

written by jade 32

A suicidal female’ s poetry

6/18/2011 5 comments