Today was my birthday, drove to beach with a friend and imbibed a lot of liqor at the beach, shared momemories and laughed. Got back home and slid back to my depression and existential crisis. Holding pills in cupped hands and crying. I want the pain to stop. Can’t go on like this.
Took a personality disorder test and these were the results. Here: http://similarminds.com/cgi-bin/newpd4.pl
Paranoid
||||||||||||||||||
79%
50%
Schizoid
||||||||||||||||||
72%
40%
Schizotypal
||||||||||||||||||||||
100%
56%
Antisocial
||||||||||||||||||||
82%
46%
Borderline
||||||||||||||||||
73%
45%
Histrionic
||||||||||
33%
52%
Narcissistic
||||||||||
31%
40%
Avoidant
||||||||||||||||||||||
98%
48%
Dependent
||||||||||||||||||
76%
44%
Obsessive-Compulsive
||||||
25%
45%
Paranoid Personality Disorder – individual generally tends to interpret the actions of others as threatening; preoccupied with suspiciousness/paranoia. They are stuck between their need for others and their mistrust of others.
Schizoid Personality Disorder – individual generally detached from social relationships, and shows a narrow range of emotional expression in various social settings; emotional zombies who stopped feeling due to trauma(s) and/or can’t feel due to organic depression
Schizotypal Personality Disorder – individual is uncomfortable in close relationships, has thought or perceptual distortions, and peculiarities of behavior; preoccupied with seeing themselves and/or the world […]
I normally rummage through this page reading people’s stories. The stories on this site have had a subtle effect on rendering my depressive states managable. I come here when I am about to flip the switch. And when I do, I feel like I’ve found peace with myself. Ughh sometimes I feel like a masochist. Living vicariously through people’s pain. I’m sorry but that’s what keeps me dangling on a soon-to-rapture string fastened to a shitty purposeless existence.
My heart goes out to an SP member named tphg. I come from a Third world country in Afrika that you’d be hard-pressed to locate on the world […]
Okay, I was seeking advice and my brother gave me this B.S :
” People react differently to pain.Its so easy to opt out of life…It takes courage to face life.one is the way of comfort the other is the way of maturity.Those that stand in the way of comfort are miserable right now.Whats the cure?Man was created to entrust himself to His creator…not to live for anything else.As soon as these posts change,man loses the courage to live.We are created to fellowship in the love of God…Grace and Peace to you through our Lord Jesus Christ who LOVED US and shade His blood for all our […]
My Life has devolved to jerking off and working shitty Job I don’t like. I have lost interest in everyone and everything I hold dear. I am lonely, my lack of social skills precluded any chances of ever getting into a relationship. I had started a relationship with some girl but we separated because of my unenthusiastic depressed ass. I see her pics and she’s pretty thick now, I missed all that, she had charm too and everything I’d always wanted in a Women.
I’m generally a fucking mess. Anybody watched Phillip Seymour in the film Happiness? Yeah that’s me. My fucking life sucks. Fleeting thoughts […]
Yeah, everyday seems like slow suicide. I always wake up feeling like shit and I’m greeted by a little box beside my bed. It encases a lethal toxin I bought last week to aid my transition. Depression is eating me from the inside and this fucked up totalitarian capitalistic matrix incessantly plunges me into an existential crisis. This is the only place where I feel safe. I’ve read a couple of encouraging posts but the optimism is short-lived. There’s two individuals on here that intrigue me so much, Salt and Randal. I always read their comments on posts and they’re pretty thought provoking. I wonder what their […]
Today I woke up to a very shitty morning and a job I hate. I don’t hate the job per se but I just lost interest in the things that I used to hold dear. I posted a part of my story on here a few days back so I don’t wanna regurgitate any of my erst while ramblings. But for those reading a post by me for the first time, I mentioned how I’d dropped out, lost my job a couple years ago after being decimated by a bout of depression. I took to vagabondage and sloth after that dreadful scenario because I had […]
I always ask myself the question, ” Why the fuck am I here?”. I just feel like a cog in a wheel now. I used to have dreams and ideas but the passion for life all faded away. Love, Relationships and all these Babbitt bourgeois ideals don’t appeal to me any more. I was struck with depression in my final semester so I didn’t complete my dissertation which led to dropping out. I started to contemplate suicide from that point on. Part of me wants to stay and fight and the other part is flirting with death. It fucking tears me apart. I hate everything […]
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