I don’t remember the last time I was here. Probably like 5 years ago, give or take. Nothing has changed. I have had a short-lived reprieves from the onslaught of manic depression and suicide ideation. I am not really sure if I make it out of the year alive. I am exhausted, still jaded and lost in this maze called existence. Anyway, just thought I’d check in. Have a great day.
I am dead inside
Haven’t posted here in over a year. I have been trying to turn my life around these past few months but depression keeps has haunted me for months on end.I hope you guys have a much more tolerable existence. I hope to kill myself at the end of this year. I’ve been defeated.
Hey, I haven’t posted on SP in mad long. I am just passing by to say high. I hope everybody on here is doing okay or just hanging in there, I know it’s tough. Suicidal thoughts are on and off, many times I come very close to exiting but I talk myself out of it. Let us all just be strong and hope for the best
Today is my birthday but I feel so bad, so bad, I feel so scared. I feel hopeless, Lonely. I don’t know what I did to deserve all this pain! Life why does life have to be like this? Maybe we committed horrendous crimes in our past lives?
I’d like to congratulate all the folks who are 50 years plus on SP. I admire your resilience so much. I am only 30 years old but I’ve already grown weary. I am tired of life. My death is conceivably near and there’s nothing I can do about it. I have lost all hope. Congratulations!!
I think everyone that is brought into existence suffers harm. I just can’t fathom how people go through obviously traumatic experiences and still have the guts to subject the unborn to the same horror. I think the unborn should remain unborn to eschew future suffering. What if they end up battling anxiety, crippling depression, victims of injustice ?? We cannot measure the extent of these harms but one thing for sure is, you cannot walk out of life unscathed. My thoughts.
I am just curious, are there any Antinatalists here? How did you arrive at the Antinatalist position?
Anxiety has been eating me up since friday. I might just end it all on Monday. This is unbearable
Do you ever feel an air of anxiety when you realise that you’ve done nothing purposeful all day and then you start forecasting your demise when negative start to trickle in and build up. It is just another sunday and it is happening. I feel jittery and weak. I just want to cry myself to sleep. Anxiety on fleek. I just need a hug right now.
It’s hard for me to sleep. It’s 1:04 AM here and I am still awake. My sleep patterns are getting weird. And I am sure I won’t sleep until 5:00 Am. I just lay awake at night, losing myself in thought and contemplating my doom and misfortune. I think I need to get myself on sleeping pills. Any suggestions?!!??
I’m trying so hard and doing everything within my means to be a functional adult but I feel like the façade is wearing thin. I might snap and jump off bridge. Oh dear sweet Jesus I’m about to fall to pieces. Why do I have to go through this?
At this new job at my brother’s company, anxiety is always flaring up and up. Meeting clients is so much of a struggle because I try to leave my social anxiety and depression at home. My brother keeps on telling about the Lord and how he’ll save me et cetera
I just feel like I don’t belong and wasn’t meant to be in the first place. I can’t function like a normal human being. The boredom and repetitive mundanities of everyday life just render me powerless. Lack of confidence in self, in the world. I am generally fucked to the 100th degree.
Getting lost in fantasy is how I get through most of my day. I always imagine myself being a vigilante bringing criminals to justice, a mutant who can walk through walls and a drop dead gorgeous guy who dates lots of hot people ( I am Bi-sexual). Fantasy gets me through my miserable daily existence but the inability to actually live out my fantasies worsens my depression.
In Real life I am an absolute W.O.S. My anxiety is always flaring and it impedes my participation in life as a functional adult. I also lack the knack to be competitive in life. I live vicariously through pessimistic and fatalistic philosophies. I am a complete W.O.S. I deserve nothing but the void, I am burden to the eco-system and this planet does not need my services. I lack purpose and direction. Now let me go to my room, smoke weed,take my meds and cry.
Life is beautiful!!
parents: Congratulations, little boy or girl! You’re going to exist!
embryo: Oooh, what does that entail?
parents: So many things! You’re going to be sentient, first of all. You will experience pleasure and pain. You will feel a wide variety of emotions, some of which will be augmented by your human intelligence!
embryo: That sounds complicated.
parents: It will be! The human experience is such a complex one, due to our high intelligence combined with our primitive instincts! We are probably the only creatures on the planet that have existential woes!
parents: In fact, we’re creating you to help alleviate some of our existential woes! You will make us feel immortal and significant in the universe, even though we’re not. You will give us a illusory sense of purpose in life!
embryo: Gee, parents, I’m not sure I like the sound of existence. Do you think you could just abort me?
dad: Tough shit, kid. We want a baby.
mom: God wants us to choose life!
parents: God is one of our many coping mechanisms. You’ll need some of your own to deal with how incompatible the universe is with human needs. We also use positive thinking, distractions, and logical fallacies such as the just world hypothesis.
embryo: Please, I don’t want this!
parents: Your animal instincts will take care of that after you’re born. You’ll want to live even if you’re miserable. Suicide will be extremely difficult to carry out even if you’re in constant agony.
embryo: Holyshitholyshitholyshit! Abort mission! Abort mission!
mom: There are puppies here. You’ll like them.
dad: And rainbows.
mom: We have your life almost entirely planned out for you; we just need to figure out your sex.
dad: You will have a gender identity that matches your sex, and you will marry someone of the opposite sex and reproduce with them so that this cycle of madness may continue for eons.
mom: You will have our political beliefs and religious beliefs.
dad: You will need to have a high-paying job to survive our country’s economic climate. You’re going to be in school for a very loooooong time.
parents: So you can work for the rest of your life!
embryo: Look, this isn’t right. You wouldn’t make a decision this major for someone who already exists, would you?
parents: But you don’t exist yet. That makes it a-okay.
embryo: This is so pointlessly selfish!
mom: No, not having kids is selfish. That’s what people say, for some reason.
dad: Stop being a baby!
embryo: I haven’t even started yet…
parents: Life will be pretty fun while you’re still little and cute. Look forward to that.
embryo: How long will I not be little and cute?
parents: For most of your life.
embryo: What am I going to spend my life doing, besides what you planned out for me?
parents: We can’t tell you exactly, but you will basically pursue pleasure and avoid suffering.
embryo: Every day for my entire life?
parents: Yes! You must always be doing something to maintain an emotional homeostasis! You will be a reaction machine! You will be pulled by the puppet strings of your physical and emotional needs!
parents: Life is beautiful!
embryo: I already disagree!
parents: Stop being a pessimist. Remember what we said about positive thinking?
embryo: This is insane! This is so pointless!
parents: If you hate life so much, you’re just going to die anyway.
A while back I was confronted by a goon at night who wanted to forcefully make off with some of my possessions. He walked up to me like, ” Hand over that bag if you don’t wanna die, do you really want to die??”
For a moment I was like, damn, how did this guy read my mind?? Should I just say yes??
What would you do in such a scenario??
Also worthy of mention is a clique among the suicidal for whom the meaning of their act is a darker thing. Frustrated as perpetrators of an all-inclusive extermination, they would kill themselves only because killing it all is closed off to them. They hate having been delivered into a world only to be told, by and by, “This way to the abattoir, Ladies and Gentlemen.” They despise the conspiracy of Lies for Life almost as much as they despise themselves for being a party to it. If they could unmake the world by pushing a button, they would do so without a second thought. There is no satisfaction in a lonesome suicide. The phenomenon of “suicide euphoria” aside, there is only fear, bitterness, or depression beforehand, then the troublesomeness of the method, and nothingness afterward. But to push that button, to depopulate this earth and arrest its rotation as well—what satisfaction, as of a job prettily done. This would be for the good of all, for even those who know nothing about the conspiracy against the human race are among its injured parties.