I’m at the point where I feel like I’m only living so the people I’ve grown so attached to don’t have to deal with my death. Knowing I’d be missed does feel nice because not all people can feel that. But living for everyone but me is taking it’s toll. I’ve been thinking about suicide everyday for a couple months, each day its becomes more desirable. Even though I know I’ll be missed, I still feel alone. I don’t see my future going anywhere. And I’m okay with dying. But pain is what brought me to this point and my death would cause a lot […]
I don’t know what to do anymore. It feel like I lost everything that holds importance in my life has left me, and I don’t have the energy to take it back. I sit here and I think and I watch the ugliness in the world around me. I try to stay possitive but all the pain just builds up to were I can’t paint anymore and I lose confidence with my singing. Maybe I should try writing? I just need something to keep me from going back to self harm. I feel alone in the world just waiting to die and I can’t take […]
I feel like a toxin convinced it’s medication, because like a monster no matter how much I try to help you I find I’m slowly killing you from the inside. But still I love you.
I’m not sure why I’m still here. My attempts at suicide are failures and it’s starting to make me think about more effective attempts. But I want to stay. I want to see my future. I just want out of the present. I feel numb, tired, and weak. I go through the days avoiding people and just trying to find ways to make each day go by. I feel broke down inside. I’m  still in high school and living with my parents. I’m gay but don’t know how to tell them. I had a gay friend over once, my dad told me not to talk […]
Today I told myself every thing’s okay, and that if I don’t think about the future it will stay that way longer. Why do I give myself false hope. Why am I still trying. I know hope is lost so why am I faking. You know what one of the worst feelings is? The feeling that someone could be dead or someone could die and it’s all your fault. When people say I’m going to kill myself because of you. That’s not okay. I was in a relationship where several times the other person said goodbye and that they were not going to be alive […]
I can’t keep from dwelling on the fact that I set myself up to be alone. I’m used to people not being there for me, but normally there’s those few people that are always there.  This time even they have drifted away. It seems like over night I slipped back into my old skin of sadness and loneliness. I thought that I had learned to be happy again. She opened up a whole new world of beauty to me. Was it a new world so sweet or was I just blinded by her sweetness? I’m so confused and numb. I’m remembering what it feels like to be alone. […]
I’m not sure what I’m doing anymore. The fear of being alone seems to consume me. These girls who say they love me, they can’t be serious. How could they love me when they haven’t tried to know me. I’m not trying to lead them on. I’m just too nice to tell them what I really think. At least that’s what I’ve been telling myself. I’ve been thinking about death again. But is death what I want currently? I don’t have the desire to sleep except when I wake up in the morning because sleeping is much easier than going through the day. Sometimes being […]