JiminyCrispies

Okay, this is just the smallest ever update but I just. Omg. Me and the girl I like are together now, like, eep! I’m so happy right now! Omg! C:

So, yesterday I had a complete break down at school during lunch. Once the tears started, the motherfuckers would not stop. So, that wasn’t fun.

Today, though, my mood has literally been a fucking roller-coaster all day, until this evening where it’s stayed pretty good. It’s only for one reason though.

I was talking to my friend, Ellie, and whilst sitting in the car; having nothing together in my head, after leaving school early I decided to inbox her saying I needed to tell her something (she was still at school), which she would then read when she got home. Of course, she read it and immediately […]

I’m sitting downstairs. My mum and stepdad have gone up to bed and left me alone down here. I didn’t want them to.

I’m sat in the corner on the floor, pressed as close to the wall as possible. I can see things in the house again. Horrible things. Flashes lasting a couple, maybe 2-3 seconds of people. Their body hacked at by their own blades. Blades which are still in their hands, blood smeared all over them.

They’re reaching out to me with bloodied hands. Some are laughing at me, others have a shocked expression frozen on their face. Before they can get to me, they disappear. They get […]

Sometimes I get so sad

So sad in fact that I completely shut down

I stare blankly at the wall

And it doesn’t matter what you say to me

Because in that moment I don’t exist

At 4 am she lays in bed,

Listening to her favourite band,

Thinking of all the things she’s done wrong.

At 4 am she thinks of all those who left,

She blames herself for them leaving.

Suddenly she starts crying,

She finally let’s it all out.

She’s not as strong as she once was.

So, my own mother called me an ugly, useless ***** today.

Wow, thanks mum!

Because you obviously don’t seem to know I already know that.

They were back tonight. The voices. The evil people. When I was in the bath. I could feel them. Their hands. Pressing down on my head, further and further under the water. Pushing down with so much force I hit my forehead on the bottom of the bath. Blood stained the water around me, obscuring my vision. I could feel myself slowly losing consciousness. I didn’t want to die by their hands. But I wasn’t getting anywhere. Fighting a losing battle. Until I finally managed to pull my head up.

Yet, now I’m not so sure that it was such a great idea. They’re tormenting me […]

There are too many things in my house I could self harm with…

∞ Razor blades ∞ Mirror ∞ Knives ∞ Paracetamol ∞ CDs ∞ Pens ∞ Sharpeners ∞ Nails ∞ Thorns ∞ Glass ∞ Keys ∞ Pins ∞ Cans ∞ China ∞ Rules ∞ Pencils ∞ Teeth ∞ Ear rings ∞ Cigarettes ∞ Lighters ∞ Hands ∞ Fingernails ∞ Plastic ∞ Batteries ∞ Sticks ∞ Heavy objects ∞ Deodorant ∞ Pencil tin ∞ Springs ∞ Sponge ∞ Oven ∞ Paper ∞ Necklace chain ∞ Watch ∞Pillow case ∞ Stinging nettle ∞ Skipping rope ∞ Ca cigarette lighter ∞ Bra under wire ∞ Clock ∞ Controllers ∞

This is actually a question, and if you don’t mind answering, I would be extremely grateful.

So, if you read my earlier posts, you would know I tried to kill myself the other day; and I am unwilling to report, I tried earlier tonight. It wasn’t my actual intention tonight, I was just cutting. I just got this urge to do it, and so I overdosed on the nearest pills and went up my arm again. Also, my cutting was due to school. I began having a panic attack when I had to get up in front of the class to speak. In all honesty, I […]

I did try to do it. A few pills too many. Vertically down. Left the blood to spill. And laid down to die…

And yet, I’m still here.

I cried when my alarm woke me up; I just don’t want to be here anymore.

I checked my arm in the morning, now it was light and I had my glasses on to see properly.

They weren’t deep. Again.

I can’t understand, why wasn’t it enough? I pressed and pressed as the blade was in my skin, right above the vein. i made multiple cuts, just to make sure.

And yet I’m still fucking here.

Why won’t anything kill me?!

I am – please excuse my language – absolutely shitting myself right now.

I’m tossing around the idea of hacking at my arm vertically tonight – I did last night, though the cuts weren’t deep enough for my liking, or the purpose, should I say? Sitting here, right now, I’m am literally smiling just thinking about it.

I’ll look to my arm and it’ll screams at me to cut it.

I’ll look to the blade and it’ll screams at me to use it.

I’ll look it the mirror and my reflection will scream at me to do it.

And so, I’ll look for a reason not to – any reason. But […]