I haven’t grown weary of life yet, I’m just deeply frustrated. There have been thoughts of death lingering in my mind. They’re not constant, but they’re frequent enough to be distressing. I’m too scared to take the so-called coward’s way out. The act of dying frightens me too deeply to try suicide. I’ve been slogging through the days, somehow keeping my academics mostly intact, but I don’t know how long I can keep going, as I find myself procrastinating a lot. I’m not a strong person, and although I’m not quite convinced I should die, I don’t know how long I’ll be able to keep […]
I wish I knew what happened to that cheerful, would-be artist of yesteryear. I’m always longing to return to the days when I felt the passion and joy of artistic creation. Painting fixed everything back then, now it feels like a chore. I hardly draw anymore and even my recent fascination with writing is fading away. The bad days are beginning to outnumber the good, but I’m too scared to end it all. I’m not a good person, but I want to change. Oh, what I wouldn’t give to change! I hate myself and I don’t know why, but I can’t make it stop and […]