As the title implies, how do you find a desire to live when you are spiritually/emotionally dead inside? As an example, imagine you are in a sinking ship or a burning house, normal people would try to escape while I would just sit there with a bored expression on my face. In such an event, I think I might feel a slight joy at my possible demise but that’s it.
As the title implies, this is a question I have been grappling with since I could form a coherent thought. The current election results of the USA seems to reinforce this idea to me, do we do anything for this planet that is beneficial beyond trying to dampen the mistakes we have already made to the environment? I hate our species because our progress is damnation for everything else and I know any child I could have would just be contributing to the problem…
As I write this, I can’t help but laugh at how the title could be uplifting if written a different way. However, this post isn’t like that. I’ve come to the realization I don’t want to compete in this giant rat race called life. I don’t want to live long enough waiting for this body to decay. I just want out. I have grown to hate the mortal experience and if cursed to re-incarnate, let me come back as something unable to comprehend itself.
Life is just one big game of Monopoly where the most selfish person is the winner because no amount of sugarcoating will […]
As time goes on, I noticed my coping mechanisms/stalling tactics become less effective. In the very cores of life, things like eating, gaming, sleeping lose not only meaning but enjoyment. As for love and pleasure, I know my heart is too diseased to form any meaningful attachment while pleasure and pain are equal in their numbness. Even the realization of the mental trauma my death would leave is slowly losing power over stopping me.
My question is how can one keep going when they can no longer delude themselves into staying?
I just found out that Amazon sells apricot kernels. When did stores start to carry edible poison in higher doses? Then again, stores can sell alcohol which can become toxic in high amounts. I am so tempted to buy some and eat the entire bag. Painful way to die be damned… I notice now I hate living so much!
I’ve come to the realization that no amount of therapy will cure me, no medication will save me, no religion will enlighten me. Nothing on Earth or space above will grant me peace of mind. The only way I’ll get peace is through the end I so desperately wish for. Now that I’ve thought about it, I’ve never wanted to be alive. That having to eat, drink, sleep, poo is my Hell. I know I can use hedonism as a distraction but I realized that’s how my life has always been. Now, I don’t understand why I would be vilified for wanting to escape a […]
Am I the only one on here thinking of things that are so beyond me that I have no business to think about them? Maybe, after all, it is just a thought experiment of insanity. As a species, what is the purpose of humanity?
For religion, it would be to reproduce… Well, in the grand scheme of things, it’s mission accomplished. Over-population will no doubt be the death of humanity if disease x or nuclear war doesn’t do it first.
For science, it is to advance mankind. Notice the keyword there is mankind. The planet we call home and the animals we rule over are screwed. In […]
Assuming medical/regular technology was advanced enough and medical science advanced far enough that the brain could remain active through the procedure, would you want to become a full cyborg aka brain in cyborg body? For the sake of the argument, let’s assume the cyborg body isn’t one with touch sensitivity.
For me, I would love to become a cyborg. Screw being human!
It’s funny the older I get the more I wish for death. What does age grant except a decaying body and broken mind… In reality, nothing! Unless medical science advances far enough to replace more major organs with machines especially the brain in the next 30 years but then you get into the philosophy of what is considered human at that point. If a person’s mind could be downloaded into a machine and installed into a robotic body, would they still be considered human is the philosophical question of the day.
Anyway, as stated in a previous post, I do not live for the things that […]
Does anyone else have the urge to eat certain toxic foods in large amounts so people around you won’t be super traumatized assuming it can be fatal? Also, I don’t mean eating stuff like poison mushrooms or poison blowfish. I mean common enough foods that aren’t illegal or super exotic.
First, I would like to say acknowledge that the title sounds like it would be great as a metal song or band name.
Moving on from that, does anyone else have sudden urges to self-mutilate at times? I’m not talking just cutting, btw. I mean some hardcore horror movie-type of stuff like eye gouging or tearing away flesh. Yes, I know my inner darkness is showing… I’m just curious if that feeling is just a product of my own insanity wanting to see if I’m not completely numb yet or if other depressive people have these dark periods meaning I’m not alone.
Let me ask a question to all of you: Are you tired of the board game called life? Are you running on empty after being emotionally, mentally and physically-drained by this one-player game set at the highest difficulty with no save points? I wish I could quit because playing “humanity: the game” stopped being fun over ten levels ago and there is no way I see myself getting to level 100, let alone 50…
Sorry for the gaming reference, some of my favorite gaming youtubers retired this month and it’s causing my depression to weigh like a ton. Game Theory won’t be the same without MatPat…
I’m in my early 30s yet my view of my future hasn’t changed since I was in Elementary school. The future I desire is death and it always has been. I never imagined living into my 30s and I definitely don’t want to live in my 70s. Perhaps I would be happier as a cyborg where I don’t have to deal with the reality that this body will weaken into an immovable husk one day. Wait, just a brain would be even better.
Anyway, I never wanted any of the things “normal people” view as making life worth living. I don’t want a career since I […]
In the next few hours/days, this will be the first time I ever have to “say goodbye” to someone in the hospital. Yet I can’t help but feel like the most despicable person for not only having my last words to her be something she even acknowledged I never said to her when she was well but wishing I had more time if only to ease my own selfish regrets… It’s things like these that make me feel like I’m a wretched creature that is better off dead and never remembered.
When money, power, fame love won’t grant me happiness and I hate every single thing related to being alive, how do I become happy? I know my only “cure” is the end I so desire but am I truly the selfish one for wanting to be “happy” even if it is in my own twisted way? Please someone tell me, am I to suffer being unhappy until natural causes or freak occurrences strikes me down!?
My grandmother fell down and suffered a major stroke. She isn’t responding to pain and the doctors said that even if she did wake up her quality of life was going to be poor… How pathetic is it that after hearing she fell down, I even promised that I would constantly tell her I love her especially since she herself commented on the fact that I never say it. Bloody hell, I’m crying due to my regret… Yet I can’t help but think I’m such a wretched being that should just die already. I wish no one would remember me so I can just disappear […]
After being unable to recover my previous account and even forgetting what it was called, I’m back here after some time. The only difference is I’m in my early 30s now and want to die even more after realizing there is nothing I want to live for. I don’t think I care about my family despite using them as an excuse not to off myself. I don’t want kids since I’m not selfish enough to bring one into what I consider a god-forsaken world. I don’t want money since there is nothing I want to buy beyond indulging a narcissistic whim that I probably don’t […]