I don’t deserve to live

My grandmother fell down and suffered a major stroke. She isn’t responding to pain and the doctors said that even if she did wake up her quality of life was going to be poor… How pathetic is it that after hearing she fell down, I even promised that I would constantly tell her I love her especially since she herself commented on the fact that I never say it. Bloody hell, I’m crying due to my regret… Yet I can’t help but think I’m such a wretched being that should just die already. I wish no one would remember me so I can just disappear alone and die guilt-free.