It rained here in Colorado. Only for a bit, but for those few minutes, I was actually happy. Everyone looked sad, and I stood out in the rain grinning like an idiot. Rain smells good.
I’m being watched. Constantly. Every one sees everything, yet how is it that they don’t understand?
I’m ready to give up
Ever been so emotionally hurt by someone, that you just sit in your bed, facing the wall, trying to breath because you’re crying so hard?
We lie all the time. Some do it to avoid hurting others, or being a bother to others, or because you just can’t trust anyone anymore. The most common lie is “I’m ok.” We all know we aren’t ok. And for me at least it hurts more each time I have to pretend that I’m full of sunshine and shit rainbows. The truth? I’m not alright. I’m not ok. Hell, I’m not even stable. I keep hearing things, and kinda seeing things. I know the manager is sitting in his office watching the live security feed from where I am, making sure I don’t screw […]
Describe, in your own words, what it’s like to feel the way you do. I won’t judge you, I genuinely want to know.
How much more can I screw up at work? Made a mistake that could cost me $350. I don’t have $350.
has anyone cut their face? I’ve done it once, but it healed in under a day
maybe I can’t, maybe I don’t want to, but the cutting isn’t going to stop this time. not after today
just siting here. blade in hand. unsure wether or not i WANT to feel that great release. that’s different. to want something. I’ve never wanted to, just had to. and now I can decide.
Due to an odd glitch, I apparently posted that I had to put Violet down. No idea how my computer changed “Violet’s  ok” to “I put violet down today”. Technology doesn’t like me.
alright, I’m not ok, but what the hell is “ok”?
as long as these new voices aren’t telling me to hurt people, I think I can deal with them
I’m hearing things. People who aren’t there. The things they say are true, and they point out things. Things I didn’t notice.
I’m bored. And that’s bad. There’s a blade in my room, but I’m not even sure I’m ok enough to try to move it away. I think I’ll just leave it where it is. Another thing, even after actually getting a full night’s sleep, I’m still hearing someone call my name, and no one’s around me.
My ex blocked me on fb again. This is the fourth or so time. This time I didn’t say anything. I really didn’t. Its all because I typed “k” instead of “ok”. He didn’t give me time to explain that I had to type one handed, with my non dominant hand, or that the reason was that I was trying to stop the bleeding because I fell off the wagon yet again.
I felt fine almost all day. Somewhat normal, and able to handle things. Then I got home. Now I’m just extremely tired. I’m angry, at what I don’t know. I’m sad. I’m…me.
I had forgotten how much it aches after cutting. Rolled over to try to sleep, let’s just say I’m awake now.
after not cutting for a two weeks, i did it again.
I feel like I’m losing who I am. Little by little. Piece by piece. Slice by slice. Chunk by chunk…
I had something to say, something clever and witty. Now I can’t even remember what it was. Like I’m losing track of my own mind. I’m good at my job, I think. But today, I couldn’t remember how to do even the basic stuff. And I really want to hit the voice in my head, even though that wouldn’t work, and it’s a stupid idea.