It’s been a while sine I even thought of this place.A guy I know was helping me and I was happy,I was even smiling and laughing.It felt so good because it’s been a while since I’ve done either of the two.But then he just ignored me and brushed me off.Later,he apologized and said he was having a hard week,but it was too late.He has been saying sorry for a long time now. It’d too late though,I have put my mask back up and have no intention to let go.
I’m afraid of myself because there no longer is a me.If you were to look behind my mask you would only see an empty hollow shell.I have disappeared only to be replaced my mask.That’s l am a mask.
I’m scared.I’m scared or letting my mask down because I’m afraid I don’t know who I am anymore.I’m afraid of even trying because the scary part is I don’t know how anymore.I don’t know how to let it go and be myself or even by myself.Who am I really?Who am I not?
I just had a breakdown a while back,and no one was home.Before, anyone got home I managed to get my emotions in check,but soon my mask,will come crumbling down.I can’t keep it up anymore no matter how much I want too I just can’t.
I use to think that I wanted someone to see behind my mask.And now someone has seen through it but I can’t let them in,and this makes me reconsider everything about myself.How do I know what I want or who I am?I think I’ve put up my mask for so long that now I don’t know myself anymore.I want to find myself again,but how do I do it if I don’t know anything about the real me anymore.What’s the point of living if nobody not even you knows the real you.
Today my friend came over and I went to the kitchen and when I came back I saw him on my laptop.He looked at me with a look of shock and he began crying why’ll repeating I’m sorry,so I ran over to him to see what was wrong.That’s when I noticed it,I had forgotten to log of my account on here and he  read my posts.When he calmed down he told me he would keep it a secret,but he wanted to help me.So I explained my feelings to him,but I could feel myself holding back and I know he could too because when he left he told […]
A smiling ,laughing,and always have everything together that’s the kind of girl girl that’s what everyone sees when looking at me.So how can they tell that their is something wrong with me?For I get good grades have lots of friends how would they be able to tell there’s something wrong?The girl with the pretty family that everyone compliments so how can they tell their is something wrong with me?In reality I want to cry,scream,and break-down that ways something could tell there’s something wrong with me.I want to stop trying to get good grades and show people my friends are fake so they can tell there’s […]
Nobody understands that I’m not lonely because how can you be lonely if you like it.I like being by myself  where no on can hurt me.The abondoned,lonely places are now my safe place
Sleep use to be my only safe place
Now its gone
Plagued with nightmares and whispers
They never go away
Awake or asleep
I always hear them everywhere
What happened to my safe place
Fat.Ugly.Loser.That’s all I hear from people when they think I can’t hear them and some people will say it right to my face.I want to say something but I’m only the fat girl in the corner while her own friends laugh at her.Everyone is surprised how I’m friends with the popEven at home it’s bad everyone always compliments my family and everyone’s always surprised I’m related to them.The family of beautiful swans and I’m the ugly duckling everyone seems to liek whispering about how fat and ugly I am as if I don’t already know that.Is life really worth it when your a  screw up?
I can’t take my life anymore,I feel like I can’t talk to anyone.When I’m with my ‘friends’ no one can see behind my fake smile and laugh they never think twice about me I’m just the one in the back that nobody cares about.When I’m with my sister she blackmails me and screams at me,my mom yells at me too and is always fighting with my dad,and my dad always ignores me and leaves the house every time he argues with my mom.I can’t decide what’s worse school or home nobody cares in either place and I feel like I’m at the end of my rope because nobody seems […]