I’m sick of all the bullshit cliches about suicide. “A permanent solution to a temporary problem.” Fuck that. If it’s such a temporary problem, then why is it so endless? This pain isn’t temporary. I’ll always be me. I’ll always fuck things up. I’m the problem, and the only way to solve anything is to end it all. I only wish I could see if anyone cares. That I could see how they react. It’s a fucking joke how everyone suddenly cares about you once you off yourself. Why should I stick around just because it might hurt a few people if I die? If […]
I’m running out of options. My last hope, before suicide becomes the best choice, is to drop out of college for a while and move away. I just need to live, on my own terms, or not live at all. I mean, I don’t know why we bother with this college, marriage, children bullshit. It’s a trap. This world is so damn big. There is so much more to experience than most people ever do. That’s the point. To experience. I’m absolutely done with this not living crap. If i’m going to stick it out here for any longer, I’ve got to get out of […]
Take your eraser to everything
Remove the burden of my memory
I’d rather it be you than me
Wouldn’t that make this easy?
Please, make me a statistic
So they don’t think they missed it
So they don’t blame me for being cryptic
You can pretend you went ballistic
What I’m asking for is an escape
Give me all your mercy
Load it in a 22 and pull
They’ll thank you for me
They’ll thank you for me
If it helps to ease your mind,
In the end, no one will have cried
All they care about is how I died
And how they hate explaining suicide
This Hell’s a nasty place to stay
But if I decide not to wake up one […]
I guess I just don’t know what I want from people anymore. It’s like I’m screaming for someone to take two seconds to notice that I’m dying. It’s like I’ve fallen down in the middle of a stampede, and everyone just keeps trampling me. They don’t notice that they’re about to lose me. Would they care? Would they even notice if I was gone? My own boyfriend is so obsessed with that damn piano that he doesn’t have time for me. I understand, because I’m a music major too, but I’d drop my guitar for him anytime. He knows that I’ve struggled in the past […]
I could fight, but then I might
All too knowingly invite
Useless hope into this life
A life that isn’t right
Made of dark, afraid of light
Called to empty, endless night
A life that isn’t even life
I could plead, get on my knees
And beg my God to fill my need
But where is He now when I bleed?
And then I sit alone and read
Of those who in their pain secede
To death’s thirsty, luring greed
Let me follow where they lead
I could fake and lie and break
In secret, cuts and bruises make
To cope with a life I long to take
Hating every day I wake
Living only for your sake
Drowning in this burning lake
Sinking down […]
I think I’ve got a plan, and I can breathe. I just need to collect the supplies and hope I can last until then. And hope that no one tries to save me. I don’t think I want to be saved. I really can’t tell. They say that fearing being saved implies that you have a hope that there is something that can save you. Maybe I do want to be saved. I don’t know. If that’s the case, then why do I feel so relieved at finally having a plan for the end? Is it wrong that the only hope keeping me alive is […]
I don’t know if I have a suicide story or not. I know I think about it often, and I wonder if it’d be better for everyone. Every mistake, every misfortune, every negative experience in my life triggers the thought, “I want to die.” It feels inevitable. I don’t mean to be selfish or think that my life is any worse than any other person. Life is a veil of tears for everyone. I understand that. But it doesn’t seem fair to me that we suffer so much. I didn’t ask to live. I didn’t ask to suffer. I feel like I’m being punished for […]
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